Shades of Grey

Syukur Alhamdulillah..

2012-01-18T10:15:00.000+08:00

I have finally gotten the green light to be hired as a research assistant in UPM.

Thank goodness I'm well on my way to begin my masters degree ^_^ And though there are so many uncertain thoughts and mixed feelings jumbled up inside me right now I have prayed countless times to be put on the path that is best for me. And I honestly believe that this is it.

So 2 more grueling years of brain torture.

But I guess there's no shortcut to anything.

YOSHA!

The Written Word

2011-12-15T10:58:00.000+08:00

I have recently finished 3 books this week, partly due the panic sensation that my brain was finally getting slow and part from the boredom of work.

Digging to America - Anne Tyler

This is not usually a genre that I would willingly pick up. A story of two korean babies adopted by an American and Iranian family respectively. No real plots, like a lot of books these days. More so a documentation of how these kids grew up in two different households and how the family learned to relate with one another. It was cleverly written i must say for the lack of plot. I was still intrigued to turn the pages. All in all a worthwhile read.

3/5 stars.

Ugly - Constance Briscoe

I can honestly say that this book is morbid and disturbing. Being a true story only makes it more so. A documentary of a girl with a loveless childhood. It tells of beatings, verbal abuse, abandonment, and psychological disorders that one would think to fit better in fiction novels than in a biography. Though many times throughout reading this i was frustrated and had hoped she would have fought back with more ferociousness. The ending thought did give hope to the reader for a better life for the character. The writing style was somewhat too simple than what i usually prefer, but because of the circumstance of the story being written by the character herself, I didn't give it much more thought.

4/5 Stars

Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen

This was actually a long time coming. I'm really ashamed to be saying that I have only read this till now. As expected, i pretty much fell in love with this book, being the hopeless romantic that i am ^^. I think a nice portrayal into the human behavior. Very sweet, but not sickly sweet, with very nice language such as

"You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you"

Though i did take my time in reading the sentences, being that the language was so old. Definitely worth all its praise.

5/5 stars =)

Jejaka

2011-12-08T13:44:00.000+08:00

I had an awfully vivid dream last night.

About a guy.
Well to be more specific, he was my guy. But i've never seen him before or anyone resembling him, light skin, medium height and low voice.

Apparently i was going on our first date together. A drive. He had picked me up from a mall of some kind, and Along had had prior knowledge of this, because, lets face it, if I was ever to pull off a stunt like that Along would be my one and only accomplice. It's crazy because i can actually remember his face, what he was wearing and his hands on the gear. I don't usually remember details like that. I even remembered the scenery outside.

You know how dreams tend to take weird turns and jump from one scene to the next so that you can kinda guess that you're not really doing the things you do? But this dream had a chronology. Everything fit. Even that nervous feeling i got when he turned to me from the driver seat to tell me something. He was really attractive. Not in the sense that he was drop dead gorgeous. But he spoke calmly, smiled when he was talking and had the most unnerving gaze. He seemed totally in control of things.

He had driven me home. And to my luck my dad was tinkering with something outside. Even the horor of that felt real. But my guy just stepped out of the car and greeted him so politely and made it feel like the most natural of meetings. Maybe this should have been the weird turn that made me realize i was dreaming. He even met my mom and my brothers. And finally my sister where they shared a conspiring look with each other.

Everything just felt so right. Until i felt searing pain on my leg, only to wake and fine two very long claw marks on my calf courtesy of my cat. -_-v

Well at least it was a memorable first date =)

sigh

2011-12-07T13:18:00.000+08:00

Haven't been on here in a while.

Probably cuz i've been a bit busy and obsessed with my tumbr lately. What can i say. I'm a visual kind of person. And what better place to look a awesome pictures than tumblr. I must admit though it is kind of depressing when i see the side bar and there are only like 8 people following. ~~No one loves me T__T~~

So no one rely reblogs me while i reblog everyone else like crazy. ^^v And my edits are still amateurish to really catch anyone's attention. So i feel totally lame when i actually spazz out after getting just 2 notes. But thus the life of a tumblr newby, who will probably always remain with 8 followers. *wallowing in self pity*

Just now i found out one of my comments for youtube got 100+ likes and i was grinning like crazy and feeling all proud before i realized it totally made me an attention whore -_-v.

Internet life is so depressing sometimes.
~~Yeah cuz it means i don't really have one.~~

2011-11-28T14:03:00.000+08:00

I can't really say what triggered it.

But i am obsessed with Bruno Mars.

Stalking him all over youtube.
Watching his interviews and performances.
There is something about the guy i swear.

His voice is just 0_o

Daydreaming

2011-11-25T12:58:00.001+08:00

So i have recently reverted back to an old love of mine.

Mangas ^0^

And yes, waking up feeling like a zombie with eyebags down to your knees is definitely a clear symptom of manga fever. Because once you're hooked, sleep seems trivial and unnecessary. However when you have a full day crash course ISO training the next day, sleep becomes mandatory. ~~But did i listen? NOOO >_~~<

*sigh*

I wish i had a love story like in the mangas.

House Husband?

2011-11-17T13:09:00.000+08:00

So in all honesty the week of presumed torture hasn't really lived up to its name.

The Shah Familial Institution is still running fine.
And though i'd hate to admit it,
a lot of the burdensome chores have been handled by none other than my bro ^^
~~i was at work ok Xp~~

I think he's taking up his role as a houseband pretty well ^^
I mean i can see why some women prefer it. lolololol!

I'm proud to say we made it through 3 days of cooking dinner without a single person coming down with indigestion. That in itself is already an achievement in my book. *smug*

Unfortunately one of my kittens passed away yesterday. But, there nothing we could have done to prevent that. Even after a visit to the vet, she didn't make it through the night.

Along should be coming home by this Saturday. So everything should be back to normal then =)

Oh penat..

2011-11-14T11:05:00.002+08:00

And today will mark the first day of what promises to be a grueling week.

My sister is off to Penang for a week to finish up her write up.
And thought i'm glad she'll finally be getting that settled..
It would leave me all by my lonesome to handle a household of 4.

Now i know it might seem over exaggerating in the least to say that I have to handle it all.
But considering,

I have handle cats & cat litter in the morning,
I have to handle house cleaning chores after work,
I have to handle cooking with my bro, + dishes and all that entails
I have to handle washing clothes, hanging and folding,
and then I still have to handle 9 cats again at night before bedtime.

all of which can be considered as my night shift with no pay.

It would be nice to get married. Then at least i'll have a husband to complain to when i get too exhausted to think. LOL.

Xkan Macam tu Skali kut... kan..?

2011-11-12T09:37:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered about the protagonist?
Every story has one. The bad guy, the schemer, the abuser etc.

Ever thought that they only existed in movies?
Especially when some stories depict these characters as the reincarnation of evil without really a reason to why?

Take sesetengah drama melayu.
Bila jahil tu... Jahil bebenor..
Bila jahat tu.. perangai macam شيطان
Any background story? Nope.
Just because every script needs a bad guy where we can channel all the boo's and complaints to.

But then how about Japanese dramas where there never really is a clear protagonist?
Where you actually want to root for the other guy
cause his life is so crappy,
or because of an extreme childhood
or maybe because of protecting an unrequited love
they had to follow the less agreeable path.
"Tortured souls"
because when it comes down to it, no human being is evil by nature.
And this change in nature tortures their psyche.

So why suddenly this post?

Because believe it or not,
the protagonists that we usually believe only exist in the movies and dramas we see, the ones where we think

"uish takkan macam tu skali kut."

these characters, actually do exist.
Albeit a small minority of the world's population, ~~because if not we're all doomed~~
but still walking among us as if they suffer a genetic defect that renders them unable to feel remorse or respect towards anyone else.

What's worse, imagine this person playing an actual part in your life.
The kind of person who thinks that courtesy and respect are just words without real meaning
The kind of person who resorts to barbaric or cavemen ways to get what they want
The kind of person who preaches others responsibilities, but are ignorant to their own
The kind of person who talks big, but is too insecure to act
The kind of person who makes you want to walk the other way just at the sight of them
The kind of person who has no excuse for the mess of a person they are.

I've always thought that i could never hate someone. Because isn't hate too strong of a word to use against anyone? But then how do you describe that sinking, disgusted, heart sickening feeling that makes you want to moan and scream at the same time? Imagine having that feeling so often, that sometimes it just consumes you.

This person who plants a rotting seed in your soul and nurtures it with insults, abuse, and downright disregard for your right as a human being. Damaging you without your consent. So no human is evil by nature? Then would it be vile to hope that these kinds of people suffer from perpetual internal torture and self loathing in the least?

Day 6: 10 Items i CAN'T Live Without

2011-11-11T09:05:00.000+08:00

§ Broadband

§ My little black box (a.k.a Nokia C1 )

§ EOS Rebel

§ Money.. mwuahahaha

§ Netbook

§ salt

§ HadaLabo ♥

§ monkey wallet

§ Rani Kohl

You know you're ridiculously famous when...

2011-11-10T11:23:00.001+08:00

cosplay enthusiasts make you their subject ^^v.

In light of Jae's recent tweet:

"I was so astonished when I saw this… "

sharingyoochun.net

I found myself scouring the web for his other lookalikes. And while some barely make the cut...

Others were pretty awesome in their own right 0_o

I personally love this one ^^

I do not own these images, i repeat Do NOT. All found from google web search. But i gotta say, the time and effort these guys/girls put into looking like their idol is plausible. And also pretty entertaining. XD

but then we turn back to the original and..

There really is no one as sexyprettyhotadorabledorkycuteakwardluvable as he is ♥

Day 5 : 10 Things I Wish For

2011-11-04T15:57:00.001+08:00

So back to my 10 thing challenge ~~which i have totally failed but still going through with anyway~~.. ^^v

I wish...

► to be a able to understand and speak a bit of Korean before i grow too old to care

► i could own my own little family run bakery

► when i grow old i'd have enough money to travel with my life partner ♥

►I could run a cat sanctuary with acres for cats to roam freely V(^^)V

►i could learn to play the guitar properly

►to become a good wife and mother

►people would consider me as a grown up despite my looks

►to become a good cook Mwuahahah

►that people will have good thoughts when they think of me

►to mean the world to somebody. =)

Just as expected

2011-11-01T09:41:00.000+08:00

It's has only been 3 days since my pembantu rumah left on holiday to Surabaya for a little over a month.

Just as expected the first person to go awol on everyone was my mom -_-v

Even after the whole house was cleaned,

after breakfast lunch & dinner was served,

after the laundry was settled,

after the garbage was taken out,

after 9 cats were taken care after,

all of which were handled in her absence..

She still managed to feel like the whole house was falling apart. Needless to say my stress levels are definitely rising.

http://icanhascheezburger.com

K-Drama Mode :1

2011-10-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

My Beautiful assasin (http://yooseunghoworld.tumblr.com)

Currently feeling a bit E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L.

Dammit why did Unna have to die!!!! TTT__________TTT (warrior baek dong su)

I hate it when the dark bad good guy always has to die when he has to do all the dirty work and live such a crappy life. I mean can SOMEBODY please get that boy a happy ending??

And yes i did cry a river, and no i did NOT like the ending.

This was how it should have ended >< Kill the script writer!!!! (http://yooseunghoworld.tumblr.com)

kthanksbyenow.

And then there was..

2011-10-24T16:37:00.000+08:00

....What really?

After the monumental event of receiving that hard earned degree, I am now officially a graduate. Which in itself is a pretty scary title, with all those expectations towards you. Not to mention your expectations towards yourself.

So maybe i'm struggling with the latter quite a bit. Suddenly feeling that i'm not exactly getting the better end of the bargain. Working, but not earning close to as much as i should be. Wanting to pursue my masters and yet not able to go abroad for what i want. And on top of that my all binding contract with the government. Too many uncertainties that keep me glued in place.

It's almost suffocating.

I hate the feeling of watching time pass me by.

But then Along always says there's a silver lining in everything.

I'm hoping she's right.

Good things come in pairs =)

2011-10-20T16:49:00.001+08:00

It has been two VERY tiring yet VERY rewarding days =)

CONVOCATION: Foodtech Class of 2011 ♥

Convocation... what can I say. Something i've looked forward to ever since stepping into
upm campus.

but the actual occasion was really 5 minutes of heart thumping and another 3 hours or restless
waiting. LOL.

Whatever the case Alhamdulillah i can put 4 years of study behind me =)

Majlis Penyampaian Hadiah FSTM 2011

This definitely came as a shock to me when i received the 'call'

See i've been so used to the fact that you must firs apply before you are entitled to an award.

Tapi Alhamdulillah, FSTM chose me as the candidate to receive the Ramly Mokni Prize

worth RM 1,000.00. (^0^). It was fun to see the embeekiss reunited once again XD.

A nice little something to add on my resume. ♥

~Syukur Alhamdulillah~

Counting..

2011-10-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

Just 1 more day... ♥

Day 4: 10 Things i Want to Say to 1 Person

2011-10-10T16:45:00.000+08:00

This is for my Unni ♥

♠ Thanks for always being there for me

♠ Thanks for putting up with my selfish ways XD

♠ You seriously need to teach me how to cook soon

♠ When are we moving out?

♠ Though patting your back every meal time is exhausting I must say I have nicer arms now LOL!

♠ Lets go on a trip with just the 4 of us someday

♠ We need to hurry up and open a bakery ^0^

♠ You gets eated by GRU! XDDDD

♠ I believe it is time for your new wardrobe

♠ I Love u ^_~

Eh Eh.. Haritu Cakap Lain?

2011-10-06T12:43:00.000+08:00

Conversation Last Week :

Boss1: We want to change the cooked starch to instant to reduce the amount of energy used.

Me: But the instant starch has lighter consistency compared to the cook starch Boss1

Boss1: Then you can add guar gum to increase it a bit. Try Xg instant Yg of guar gum and Zg of whatchamakalit. And we'll see how first.

Me: *jots down* ok Boss1

Boss1: I want you to run next week ok?

Me: Ok

Conversation 10 Minutes Ago:

Boss2: Why you add guar gum to the new formula?

Me: 0_o? I followed the recipe that you told me to last week. *proceeds to read off Xg of guar gum*

Boss1: The original formula does not have guar gum why would be want to add?

Me: Because you said we wanted to to thicken the product a bit.

Boss2: Why don't you get approval from us first?

QA2: Before this approval wasn't needed for trial batches, we just prepared according to management instructions. Only batches which came out well were finally approved.

Boss1: No we need to see the black and white I don't remember saying to add guar gum.

Boss2: You need to ta this matter seriously you know.

Me & QA2: *completely perplexed*

Later:

Me: Haritu you dengar tak Boss1 suruh tambah guar gum?

Production supervisor : ya saya ada dengar.

Me: kan... T-T

QA2: Dia kata tak ada dalam formula original pun kenapa dia nak suruh tambah.

Production supervisor:: Dia kata suruh add nak tambah pekat. Kalau tak tambah itu guar gum jadi sangat cair maa...

Kesakitan hati yg teramat apabila salah sendiri tapi disebabkan anda "boss" semua responsibility kesalahan tersebut boleh bagi kat pekerja baru konnonya yang tak tau ikut prosedur. Yang lagi best, baru berapa hari sebelum tu run trial batch lain, tak ada pulak berdecit pasal black and white. Sememangnya sebelum ni tak wujud pun prosedur tu. X kesah lah kalau dia nak mulakan. Masalahnya bila mulut dah bercakap tapi tak nak mengaku, sila2 lah jangan cuba blame orang lain yer.. tu pasal bertahun2 pun dalam industri tak akan boleh maju kedepan. -_-v

I'm. Just. Saying.

Day 3: 10 Things I Hate

2011-10-06T09:18:00.001+08:00

☼ Cockroaches

☼ Cruelty to animals

☼ Siput Sedut Internet connection

☼ Mosquito Buzz

☼ Not having license at 23

☼ Really sweet beverages

☼ Crowded areas

☼ Scary Movies

☼ YJ antis

☼ Paper cuts

Anda Mahukan Date Dengan Lelaki Korea Yang Hot?

2011-10-04T17:20:00.002+08:00

Silakan... XD

LOL apparently this cutie is 5 years my junior. They keep getting more drool worthy i tell you -_-v It ain't fair. But that would just make me a cradle robber now wouldn't it. Mwuahahahaha.

I digress.

Day 2: 10 Things i ♥

2011-10-03T12:50:00.001+08:00

Yes i know it took forever to get this list done, but here it is anyways:

♥ Anything that puurrrssss v(^^)v

♥ My EOS Rebel

♥ Retail therapy (yosha!)

♥ D.B.S.K

♥ Hangul

♥ Thick, small print historical fiction novels XD (preferably with a touch of mystic)

♥ Bubble Tea

♥ Unagi Sushi

♥ Heels

♥ My bear busuk

Day 1 : 10 things about me

2011-09-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

♣ I have two distinct birthmarks on 2 of my limbs

♣ I have a scar on my upper left eye from hooks that you put cups on.. but you wont notice until you come REALLY close >//< (ouch..)

♣ I cry easily, especially when thinking of other peoples problems instead of mine

♣ I almost never call anyone 'kau' or call myself 'aku'

♣ I suffer from bouts of back pains even though i'm only 23

♣ When i was young people couldn't tell whether I was a boy or a girl due to my short haircut and boyish nature ^^v

♣ I rarely call, I prefer to sms

♣ I have no confidence speaking formally in BM >_< (same goes for writing)

♣ I have kept the same hand phone number since i was in form 2

♣ People who don't know me say i'm younger than i look, while people who do say i'm older than my age.

Challenge!

2011-09-23T12:15:00.002+08:00

I was blog hopping yesterday when i found this :

I thought i'd give it a try..seeing that sometimes i don't even know just what to write ^^v. So good luck to me hehe. But it never said anywhere that i had to do it 10 consecutive days right? Piece of cake XD

To My Future Husband #1

2011-09-22T11:07:00.001+08:00

Even though my fandom may seem endless and fanatic, it will still be your hand I'm holding while waving pearl red light sticks at their concert ♥

If it ain't broken don't fix it for goodness sake -_-v

2011-09-21T14:03:00.001+08:00

Google images

I am currently very much peeved with the new Facebook layout.

Suddenly all these pop ups of things that i don't necessarily NEED to see. It just makes you want to unfriend people with all their updates coming at you in live feed from the side panel.

And this whole subscribing thing. I'll go to a blog if i want to subscribe to someone! It's an online community people. Too many functions just make you go crazy in the end. I literally had to turn it off because i was feeling the creeping telltale signs of a huge headache coming up.

Did anyone complain about the old layout? Don't think so. Sibuk nak gatal pegi tukar page tu kan. fuuuuh tertekan betul ><

If ONLY there was a "dislike" button. Or "Annoying" button i can click repeatedly somewhere. -_-v

ok done venting.

Back to work.

♫ is ♥

2011-09-20T10:58:00.001+08:00

You know that feeling when you stumble across a new song that makes your head bob or your eyes close right from the first hearing?

Then how about stumbling across an amazing amateur artist on youtube with less than 1000 followers but still has amazing music in his repertoire?

Meet John Jaemin Sanchez Shin (a.k.a Mighty Sanchez):

Oooook so to be perfectly honest I sought him out because i thought he was cute in the Verbal Jint's You Look Good video -_-v. But then i found his youtube channel and was like....

Daaang.. 0_0

Thus sparked my obsession of stalking his page and yes.. well.. we can safely say i am now a new fan of this spanish + korean adorable, talented namja ^_^v Hopefully debuting October of this year with his 3 man group Phantom, i'm definitely looking forward to more of his his work.

Hwaiting!

S.O.L

2011-09-15T16:56:00.001+08:00

Back on the job after 2 days down from food poisoning. Was seriously not fun, though, I must say i have experienced worse cases. Though the bonus acid reflux symptom was new. (aah i know your suffering now unnie ><)

Thank god tomorrow is Malaysia day.. I love the holiday makers of this country =)

I'm still not eating well thought, and the smell of fried anything makes my stomach twist and my gag reflex go on overdrive.

*sigh* harap2 lah dengan peristiwa sakit ini terhapuslah sedikit sebanyak dosa2 ku. Amin.. >_<

From then till now..

2011-09-12T14:26:00.003+08:00

They say:

"College friends know who you are... Highschool friends know why"

It was nice spending the weekend with some faces that i haven't seen in so long. Just goes to show you how fast time flies. And yet some things never change ^_~

또 또 또!

2011-09-10T10:28:00.001+08:00

Just watched PTB episode 12.

Hearing Jae sing..

I think i fell in love all over again <3

I want.. I need.. i want some...

2011-09-08T10:26:00.001+08:00

sharingyoochun.net

That is all.

Confessions of a YJ Shipper #1

2011-09-07T16:44:00.002+08:00

"The thing about watching YJ is, you're grinning like an idiot one second, and then horribly depressed the next."

T______T

Petknode: You'll get yours.

2011-09-06T16:59:00.001+08:00

It's all over the social websites. The pet boarding nightmare that happened while everyone was off happily celebrating Raya. Abandoned cats and dogs left to wallow in their own urine and feces while being caged. 16 cats unfortunately didn't make it. Thank god there were good souls that went to rescue these animals. It makes me sick that sane people can actually do this.

It makes me even more sick when i think of how traumatized owners would be to find their cats lifeless. What's worse, imagine if someone had sent more than one pet to that god forsaken place. I can only give my sympathies...Owners who board their pets are those who consider their pets family. They even go out of their way to ensure that their pets are taken care of while they're away. But to be met with such tragic news, it makes me think of my own babies at home =(

We transported a total of 9 cats back to kampung this raya. 3 carriers, 1 cage and 3 cars. Crazy business. Usually my family would board at least some, but seeing that we had not made early booking, there really was no other choice. But i'd do it again any day than to risk seeing something i love so much tortured that way. Even imagining myself in those owners shoes i get teary eyed. I really hope justice will be served.

I was further saddened when i saw comments stating that humans are dying around the world and yet people make a big fuss out of cats. Is it wrong to to be enraged by cruelty? To animals who can't even fend for themselves no less. I'm not saying i prefer animals over humans when i choose to be upset over tragic news. Why can't we be sensitive to both humans and animals alike? Maybe for people who have never considered a pet as a family member, it would seem foreign.

But for me it's like second nature.

Mwuahahaha

2011-08-25T13:07:00.001+08:00

I have found myself another awesome tublr to latch myself unto. For the life of me i still don't how the darn thing works though -_-v. Ne who, some tidbits that made me smile and cry at the same time. ><

Junsu: always irrelevant XD

And the way the rest look on.. lololol!

Violent junsu 0_o

My all time favorite double smack XD

Ohh Junsu ya.. -_-v

LOLOLOLOL! The extent of yoosu love XD

So what are you sayin Min 0_o

Cuz u don't see that too often anymore T-T

Junsu: black sheep of the family XD

Oh good god i freaking miss them ><

. All gifts from: http://yunbeokki.tumblr.com

This Just In..

2011-08-15T10:53:00.002+08:00

So i came to work today worrying about how many days leave i would be taking this Raya totally oblivious to the fact that the company had just suffered a major loss.

4 of the foreign workers had split last Sunday leaving production in complete shambles this morning. I have yet to hear the solution to this one. -_-v

So i'll sit tight until they call up a proper meeting to deal with this.

*sigh* dugaan bulan puasa.

Courtesy of fuckyeahtvxqmacros.

Love it!! ^0^

2011-08-12T08:49:00.001+08:00

Taken from JYJ3.net

Yes i know, i know...I've told myself countless times that i would abstain from the likes of Kim Jaejoong just for this month. But with all the posts of his new drama on SYC i just... i couldn't -_-v. i mean look at that gorgeous man and then tell me i'm at fault ><

Even though jae isn't the main lead and is a slightly evil character in the story, it's still pretty intriguing to watch him act. (We'll it's pretty intriguing to watch him period....) But i'm not just watching it for him. The lead characters and the plot are pretty nicely done too. And the OST that jae contributed to the drama is nothing short of amazing. I can listen to that voice every night before i fall to sleep <3.

Ok so why the gif above? Because there must be something said about dress shirts. Every man was made to wear dress shirts and KJJ is definitely on the top of my list for men in work attire ^_~ And plus i think the gif is just adorable like that XD.

That is all.

Personality Test

2011-07-27T10:31:00.001+08:00

Your Type is
INTJ

Introverted	Intuitive	Thinking	Judging
Strength of the preferences %
78	38	12	22

So I finally took a personality test. Apparently the most accurate i could find on the web was the Jung Typology Test TM. I even took it twice, trying to be more true to myself the second time, but produced the same results.

Introverted iNtuition

INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.

Extraverted Thinking

Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.

Introverted Feeling

Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

So they say... =^_^= Another analysis by a Dr. David Keirsey calls the INTJ's Masterminds. *inserts evil cackling laugh* I personally like his take ^0^.

The road to recovery..

2011-07-26T09:03:00.002+08:00

"I don’t know if I should say this…but I miss Yunho and Changmin…

They are our members no matter what people say and they all know it better than anyone else..

People might say I’m being silly…

but I miss them after a long time"

-Jaejoong Twitter

Leave it to Kim Jaejoong to get me teary eyed so early in the morning.. T-T

Of Lenses, Needles, and Steering Wheels...

2011-07-25T10:31:00.001+08:00

aI can't believe it's Monday already..

Weekends are soo not what they used to be -_-v. Especially when you're working Saturdays (be it half day). And then your Sundays get ruined cuz It'll be Monday all over again >_< It's an evil evil cycle. Whoever said that we needed to work 6 out of 7 days should be hunted down. I'm just saying..

Ne who, last saturday along and i went to O.U to pick up our new copy of the digital exposure handbook we ordered from MPH. We actually found this book way back at the bookfair in KLCC. It sold out when we finally decided to buy, and consequently enough the book wasn't on sale locally. I haven't even gotten around to reading this yet. But i t did look awesome when i was leafing through it the other day. Even though our DSLR is still pretty basic ( what do i mean pretty, i'ts as basic as they get ^^v) along and i though we should at least learn fundamentals before just messing around and taking pictures. But getting the book gradually brought us back to the camera shop where the Rebel was first purchased. We had a lengthy talk with the uncle about what lenses we should be considering next.

So we finally agreed that the more practical and doable choice for two people with collective less than 3k per month would be the 18-200mm lens. Even then, this particular one would cost almost as much as the Rebel itself ^^v Nyuhuhuh, just a reminder that photography ain't a cheap hobby to begin with. No matter, i still see it as a worthy investment. Just like the tagline:

"Delighting you always" =)

So after accepting the fact that saving up for the upgrade lenses would take us quite a few months we said goodbye to the very nice uncle and headed home. Unbeknownst to us was the car exhibition being held at the oval. I'm usually not a car person honestly. But the Hyundai i10 was just too cute to ignore ><

Given when compared to the Myvi, it has a smaller interior for pretty much the same price. But then considering I can hardly see past the dashboard in our current one (yes.. admitting ones weaknesses is the path towards self love) i was falling fast for this cute cuddly looking car. It may not be suitable for family use. Especially my family seing how ganas everyone is. But it would definitely fit a single working female. Mwuahahahahhaha XDDD Okeh berangan skejap dah ade lesen and a full time high paying job XDD A girl can dream right? ^0^.

And finally yesterday along and i sucessfully finished our first of three if you would believe it.. sewing classes. Surprisingly exhausting if i may say so myself. Now i know why they charge so freakishly expensive rates. But then again, us being beginners it did kind of make sense. We're currently taking classes only for the traditional baju kurung. I had wanted to learn kurung pahang, but that was just getting way ahead of myself. It was really funny how accomplished i felt after just the first class. Potong kain je pun ^^v Belum officially masuk bab menjahit pun lagi. XD

A friend later asked me "Kamu rase pandai jahit or pandai masak tu crucial ke?" And i was thinking, i guess as a woman those things are important. Maybe not crucial, but it does make me feel just a tad bit more proud of myself. (not in the overly riak takbur kind of way of course -_-v). So after this, it's into the kitchen!

Disclaimer: all photos taken from Google Images <3

To review or not to review... that is the question.

2011-07-23T10:38:00.001+08:00

I have in all honesty been pondering whether or not to write book reviews on this blog.

Not only because great books are so hard to come by, but reading is one of my more favorite past times. If i had done this earlier there would be pages upon pages of awesome books to recommend. However, my mind being one that tends to run away with itself, i can't give proper synopsis of the previous books i've read anymore. All i know is they were damn good!

So if i'm up to it i'll write if not then well.. too bad haha. I'm currently reading one now. Don't seem to have a lot of time for books these days though, what with the exhaustion and all. But i'll try to wrap it up soon ^^. But as starters lets give a review on one of my recently love interests ^^

Title: The Historian
Author: Elizabeth Kostova
Genre: Historical, Supernatural

This book was written in first person narrative. Beginning with a young girl's discovery of old yellowed letters in her fathers study addressed to a "dear and unfortunate successor" The story is a rich mixture of history geography and the supernatural all focused on the discovery of new letters and documents which a are uncovered throughout her journey. Heavy reading which requires quite a bit of focus seeing that there are about 3 different stories woven together, all of which concludes simultaneously. A whole lot of descriptive writing (my favorite!) on castles, old cities, crypts and the like It's difficult to give a proper summary for this book seeing that there are soo many things occurring at once. But i must say i couldn't put this book down. The scope is huge, it feels like your're really going to different continents with the main character. And for those who have a certain fondness towards the vampiric folklore then i'm sure this will be your cup of tea ^_~

Lenght: 700+ pages of tiny print
Personal rating: ***** 5/5

on a lighter note i've been blogging quite regularly for the past month ne? Good for me =) mwuahahah

Sekufu?

2011-07-22T10:06:00.001+08:00

Soooo...

This morning i was downstairs getting my packed lunch ready for work when my dad turned on the tv to "Tanyalah Ustaz". It seems this is my daily routine now before stepping out the door.

Anyways, the topic of discussion today was "keluarga bahagia" or something along those lines. The ustaz was saying "jagalah sekufu itu apabila sudah berkahwin." I mean usually people tell me "carilah yang sekufu" which generally pertains to pre marriage criterias. But it never really dawned on me that it is still important to observe kesekufuan (hahah is that even a word ^^v) even after wedlock. Clueless i know.. -_-v

The ustaz goes on to say that sometimes after 5 years the gap between wife and husband could potentially become so great that they may no longer understand each other. Which i think is really scary 0_0. Is that why initial wedding bliss only last up to 2-3 years? Because the mindset starts to drift apart and suddenly you cant make out what the other person is thinking?

but now lets go back to the "carilah yang sekufu" part. Know the saying opposites attract? I tend to think that people with similar mindsets and values are usually similar in character. So where does this saying actually come from? Does the way you see things effect your disposition? huhu at times like these i wish i had taken psychology during my degree. But like forest gump says:

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know

what you gonna get.

(or who for that matter ^^)

Macros FTW!

2011-07-20T11:59:00.001+08:00

Because i have always been an avid shipper of macros XD Please forgive the language LOL!

I was lollilng way too hard XDDDD

Disclaimer: none of these macros were made by me (obviously). All were taken from here, she's just awesome LOL!

Health Status

2011-07-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

Blood Pressure : 97/68

BMI : 20.6

Body Weight : 44.5

Body fat % : 25%

Visceral Fat : 3

Body Age : 20

Soooo the pharmacist said I was a little low blood, and seeing that i often get sudden attacks of light headedness i probably should take her advice on checking out my blood count. Everything else she said was fine. (Phew!)

Funny thing though, it seems that i have the body of a 20 year old, but the mental age of a 44 year old. Mwuahhaha. Camne tu?

(Metal age test can be taken here).

Forget about the price tag..

2011-07-12T14:48:00.002+08:00

"We just wanna make the world dance"

- Price Tag

Sooo... i wonder how many people in the world are currently dancing these days ^^v. What with the recession and government cut backs and lack of scholarships everywhere you look. Not trying to sound overly killjoy here, but getting my first job ever kinda made me realize the value of those greens you get at the end of each grueling month. (I haven't even gotten mine yet LOL!)

Alhamdulillah for me, i've been never been without my own money since graduating highschool. (If scholarships count as your own money anyways ^^v) Before this however money was scarce. My family was never one in the tradition of giving monthly allowances like most of my friends. Money was given when asked. And even then, not all the time. Once in matriculation i received governmental allowance, in UPM I started off on partial PTPTN and switched to a more leisurely JPA scholar in my second year. Thankfully, I still have some of the money left over from my studies, even with quite a huge chunk taken out for club expenses, siblings/family, DSLR's and what not.

I decided before the dwindling amount in my bank account became nothing, i would need to find means to sustain myself. And rightly so with the daydreams of moving out and getting an apartment, being jobless kinda smashes the whole thing into ruins. This was after I realized that furthering my studies might take some time, and that i didn't want to become penniless till then. So here i am, working as a Quality Assurance trainee for the moment before the senior QA goes on maternity leave at the end of this month leaving me to single handedly run the operation just as she had.

There were a few things that i had wanted to do which required me to obtain a steady income.

Participate in monthly donation as means of sedekah. Something like UNICEF which along was a part of
Get my license (RM600 - 700)
Transfer Money to tabung haji to activate the account (RM 1,400)
put aside money monthly to said account (RM 100-200)
Pay PTPTN loan (RM100 - 200 /month)
Contribute to cat food (RM 180/month) and general feline expenses including vet visits.
Contribute to groceries (of crosss.. >_<)
Contribute to internet bills
Take TOEFL (RM 500)
Apply for MSc (RM100-200)
Save for travel <3

But even before i could reap the fruits of my labor, my beloved Toothless (see previous post) came down with batu karang. Interestingly enough this has become a common diagnosis for the Shah Family Felines -_-v especially with the males. Currently he has been hospitalized for a total of 12 days, due to renal and kidney complications. The estimated amount given for a 1 week stay was around RM400. I'm thinking it would probably add up to sumwhere around RM600+? This is not including the bill for my previous cat which died at the vet adding another RM300+ to the total. Another bag of specialized urinal diet will probably entail adding another RM50-60 to the equation. And just the other day, my mom had abruptly transferred all cat expenses to my sister and I. This is considering collaboratively we earn less than 3K nett mwuahaha.

In addition to this, I will be attending a crash course sewing class at the end of this month with along, for RM150 each. Haven't bough all the supplies yet to do so. Don't even know how much that'll cost ^^v

I had planned on getting an mp3, an external and also an upgrade lense for our camera. But i guess those will have to wait for the time being. Oh and my daydreams of getting an i-phone.. puahahahahah. Not anytime soon if ever ^^

Welpz it's not ALL about the money, but there's sure a lot of strings attached ne..

That Jaejoong... Amazing 0_0

2011-07-07T09:25:00.003+08:00

I recently stumbled over jewel while surfing through SYC the other day:

How this song could even slip past my radar is beyond me -____-v. I've always been a fan of jae's beautiful solos. I think he sings those melancholic love songs best. And not forgetting Maze, which he totally rocked out.

But this performance just blew me away. So let me break down all the little things that led me to assault the replay button ^_~

I love that perfect voice. Something about the timber. I had goosebumps. No kidding
I love how this song starts low and climaxes to the awesome chorus. >_<
I love how the performance focuses solely on his vocals with no fancy special effects. Just my very talented Jae doing his thing <3
I love how this song seems to describe him as a person so well.
I love the way he expresses this song through his body language. Especially the part where he tilts back for that high note >//<
I love how he sings with his eyes closed because he's totally feeling it and i'm totally feeling him Xp
I love how the lyrics have a personal feel and how it was expressed in the music.
I love how this isn't a love song. Don't get me wrong, I just appreciate him singing about something other than love or relationships ^^
I love the fact the despite being live, he can still make it sound so tender.

I absolutely, positively, uncontrollably love KIM JAEJOONG. Simple as that. <3

Feline Facets

2011-07-01T14:15:00.001+08:00

TITLE: The Ebil King

NAME: Toothless / Tootie / Tupless

DISPOSITION: Evil, Cranky & the likes

DESCRIPTION: Found by the highway, with a broken arm. Immediately too up the post of neighborhood gangster after the late Semut.

TITLE: The Little Prince

NAME: Bear / Abe

DISPOSITION: Mommies boy

DESCRIPTION: 1 of 4 who were born and raised and bottle fed since 1 week of age. Susceptible to all kinds of diseases and generally loud mouthed

TITLE: The Petite Princess

NAME: Kakak

DISPOSITION: nervous / anxious

DESCRIPTION: Second eldest of the royal line. Often often a loner with general dislike for large crowds. Timid and shy.

TITLE: The Young Lady

NAME: Tikus / Akus

DISPOSITION: Hyperactive, aggressive

DESCRIPTION: Youngest of the royal line. More often than not mistaken as a male due to her aggressive nature.

errr.. Postgraduate?

2011-06-29T23:02:00.001+08:00

It used to be..

"I can't wait for these 4 torturous years to be over.."

"They're all slave drivers i tell you! "

"It will all be worth it once i graduate.."

And now suddenly its..

"Oh god I need a job.. ><"

"Boh?! 3.75 for overseas scholarship?? Are they nuts!?"

"TOEFL... IELTS anyone??"

Yup. It's finally postgraduate -__-v

I guess the shinning light at the end of the tunnel really wasn't all it was cut out to be. 4 years of looking forward to the day when they name you a university graduate. Instead of that breath of fresh air, you suddenly find yourself pinned beneath a huge landslide with your rib cage pressing against your lungs making breathing virtually impossible as the cells in your body frantically scream for oxygen.

Ok.. hyperbola. But still. Bliss was only during the period of denial where you thought "i'm finally free.. i can finally get some rest.. and life starts now ^^" This tentatively should only last you 1-2 months, by which you will slowly notice personal funds dwindle in your bank account as apposed to peternakan lemak yang semakin meningkat.

Maybe this isn't the case for some of us, lucky enough to land good jobs and grab opportunities to further studies. For me, i guess i needed some time to think. To really really think. Because though i'm not overly proud to admit, on the day of my final paper of my final exam, i was totally and utterly blank. Like 4 years had totally used up my reserve and i was left empty with not enough brain juice to worry about my future. And it kinda scared me 0_o.

After mauling the thought and letting it ferment over the course of 2 months I finally realized that,

1) yes i must continue on with my masters no matter what.

2) that it would be coursework

3) that i would definitely want to do it abroad.

Now of course there are a whole lot of discrepancies between what we "want" and what we "can have" Like the fact that though i had to fight my way for a second class upper distinction with nails and teeth, JPA will only entertain first class graduates for a scholarship overseas T-T. Or the fact that to postpone my contract with JPA for further studies, i must first have an offer letter from a university abroad. This however takes time seeing that many if not all oversea courses require me to obtain IELTS or TOEFL qualifications among others. So reporting immediately is not exactly a viable option -_-v

*sigh* Nevertheless in the back of my mind i am fully aware that many have preceded me in this struggle and that i need to keep my head up if i want to dream large.. Thus begins the winded road to success. And i though getting my degree was tough. <_<

So for the moment i have found myself a job in between course hunting and obtaining an offer letter. I had originally applied for a part time in Tesco (cuz it was close by). But after a bit of reflection i applied once more to Double Lion -_-v. Only because working experience in a related field could do me some good in the future no matter how much work there is. Possible prospects of working with Mr. Lam and his consultancies is also a plus. Aside from this the pay scheme is also definitely higher since i applied for the Quality Assurance post. I'm still a bit clueless on the salary though. Being a fresh graduate without experience... Hopefully this arrangement will only last till next year at most.

Oh lord just thinking about it makes me exhausted. But then there's always that little voice inside me that keeps whispering,

" It'll all be worth it once you graduate."

Don't Wanna Wake Up

2011-06-14T09:35:00.001+08:00

I literally had the best dream ever last night.

This is of course concerning my one and only jaeness, and a bit of cameo from su. Lol this totally sounds like 13 year old fan girling. But seriously thought, so vivid 0_o

I don't usually remember my dreams so well once i wake up, but this dream stayed with me for awhile even when i was sitting up in bed.

I think it was the combination of watching 3voices dvd jaejoong cut and listening to boyce avenue's cover of last kiss that programmed my brain to dream what it did.

Soo not complaining though XDDDD

Sekembalinya..

2011-06-08T13:52:00.003+08:00

I had put off writing this post for quite a while.

Not that there wasn't much to say, but because there was too much to say that in the state of disorientation that i was in after touching down in Malaysia, I was worried that i would not do the story justice. Now that i've settled down to the normal routine of things, the whole picture kind of settles, and i'm allowed to appreciate the experience as a whole and not as some jumbled up highly emotional pieces.

And highly emotional it was.

Visiting places with so much historical content, and not just any history, religious history, really helps you appreciate and understand the ibadat that is asked of you. Real places, where real events happened, that you usually hear the ustaz talk about in ceramah agama kat masjid, or in the CD's that my mom always buys. To see them in from of you, to be there and to appreciate their importance, can really touch you.

My family was lucky enough to be able to visit all three mosques, Al Aqsa, Al-Nabawi , and Haram. We were not allowed ample time in Aqsar, given the current condition of things. Getting there took us through countless checkpoints with armed guards. The jemaah lelaki were all allowed to pray Jumaat prayers there. Rezeki mereka Alhamdulillah. The women prayed in the adjacent Dome of the Rock. We only stayed overnight in Baitulmaqdis in which we also visited the Western Wall, and Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where Jesus was supposedly crucified, according to Christian beliefs. I must say though, this church was stunningly beautiful and rustic.

We then visited Madinah where we stayed for 3 days. I loved Madinah, to the point that the thought of migrating there didn't strike me as such a bad idea. Our Hotel thankfully was situated pretty close to the Nisa' gates. We reached around subuh, and that was when we gave our first salam to Rasulullah saw outside Raudah. I must say this was the turning point of the whole trip. This was when it really hit me. Realizing that I was giving salam, to our last prophet, and that that salam would be answered by no other but himself. How can that not be overwhelming?

The feeling of Al-Nabawi is very serene. Very calm. And the people are good honest people. It was no wonder that the Prophet loved Madinah so much.

UMRAH:

We made our niat at Miqat Bir Ali. The whole Jemaah in white, reciting labaikallah in the bus all the way to Mekah. We reached at 10 pm, and proceeded with Tawaf and Sa'ie till a little over one. My first glimpse of the Kaabah was shocking. I was told that when you forget everything at the sight of the house of Allah, you must at least remember to recite syahadah, the absolute core.

We stayed in Mekah for 8 days. 8 days full of trials, tribulations, revelations and understanding. Alhamdulillah, our jemaah was lucky enough to be guided by two Ustaz as well as another 2 additional mutawifs from Mekah. I had initially felt frightened that once in Mekah I would be lost and not know what to do. But Alhamdulillah, once you're there, once the sole priority becomes untuk beribadat, all things fall into place.

Being in a place where nothing else matters except giving yourself up to Allah swt. Life, suddenly becomes so simple. Like it all makes so much sense. Where faith alone upholds a whole community. Where when people speak, there are only praises to Allah swt and praises to our Prophet Muhammad saw. Where women are modest and men are.. well men. Mekah is like an isolated haven, untouched by modern madness and urgency. And though so many different Islamic teachings reside in Mekah, there is still that unity you feel when the Imam angkat takbir for prayer.

Mekah is simply Amazing.

Thus, returning to Malaysia, after being kept away from the reality of life for more than 2 weeks, I guess i was caught between to distinct worlds, and not knowing how to merge them together. There was also this sense of loss and a certain feeling of panic.. Would i have the strength to istiqamah?

There is still much that i must learn. Still too much that I am rather clueless about when it comes to religion. But I am more than thankful to be given the opportunity to experience what I did. And hopefully, panjang umur murah rezeki I can return there dengan lebih ilmu di dada untuk beramal. Insya'Allah...

Help me be that person..

2011-05-05T09:49:00.001+08:00

The doa selamat for my departure for umrah will be held this Friday at our mosque after Isya.

Following that, only 5 more days until our flight to Jordan at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Just last Monday I was joining the jemaah of 60 people on a half day course on Umrah. Seeing all the people, listening and watching the actions, it was then that it finally dawned on me that i would soon visit the house of God, regardless if I was prepared or not. Thankfully I unkwowingly got to sit next to the wife of the mutawwif, and she was kind enough to explain the little details that of course i knew nothing about. There is a huge difference in reading a book and learning from someone with experience.

I have a lot to be regretful for. Parts of me that I have been wanting to change for so long now and yet, i keep loosing the strength to do so. I am sure Umrah is the key to winning that struggle.

Ya'Allah.. there is so much that I still do not know. And there is so much that i still must strive for. Please give me the strength to be that person that I need to be.

Jae babe, you got awesome taste!

2011-04-26T16:06:00.002+08:00

I just recently became addicted to the Jae's recent song choice. But to be fair i thought it was a great song a long time ago, and then i kinda forgot it existed ^^v. Its kinda awesome to see the comment box full of his fans. One artist unknowingly promoting another. Ah, so much love! <3 ^^

Late Night Scribbling.

2011-04-21T12:40:00.002+08:00

Sometimes she wonders if she is the only one.

The morning felt almost wet despite the lack of rain, and the expanse of the field glistened like a green ocean from where the lone figure sat huddled on the damp bleachers. She wore a long coat which she hugged close to her frame, hiding the freshly ironed school uniform she wore beneath.

Class wouldn’t start for at least another two hours. There wasn’t a soul on school grounds she was sure. But at least the field was always lighted. She had counted on that when slipping out at 4 in the morning. It was becoming a normal routine now. As was the yelling and arguing that had many times become her alarm clock at home.

It was not only until plates began to shatter and furniture was thrown about that she decided to no longer have a part in the chaotic orchestra that was her broken family. Countless times before she had sat at this very spot at such an unearthly hour unable to stop the quiet stream of tears that kept spilling from her eyes. But there were no more tears now. She was just empty. Refusing the misery and yet unable to lift the burden from her heart. Past the point of feeling guilty, past the point of feeling shame, she felt suffocated and hollow.

She heard a low rumbling from a distance, like a vehicle approaching. This was new to her. She pulled in closer to herself, feeling a rush of panic. Half her body wanted to sprint, while the more rebellious part of her willed her to stay. The rumbling ceased. And there was silence for a few minutes. She held her breath.

From the edge of the stands she saw a figure approach. He was wearing a helmet, and to her surprise, the stranger, like her, was dressed in the standard school attire. She remained unnoticed as he made his way up the bleachers in a slow trudge. The figure gradually removed his headgear as he continued to climb. And then suddenly he looked up, catching her eyes. A wave of panic struck the young girl before a second wave of sympathy overtook her. The young boy, had blood shot eyes. And there were still telltale tear marks that ran down his cheeks.

She couldn’t look away, recognizing her own misery in this strange boy’s eyes. He too remained static. There was no malice between them, just a silent understanding. It seemed like forever before he resumed to climb, taking residence next to her. Strange that she felt completely safe and welcoming towards this boy she knew nothing about.They were silent, the girl huddled in her coat, and the boy bent over, with his face in his palm.

Then quietly rummaging for her mp3 she extended an earphone to him, fixing one to her own frostbitten ears before commencing to play a song too upbeat for the occasion. Without a word he followed suit. They sat there, eyes closed, not really hearing the music, but inwardly thankful for the unexpected company. Neither imagining the other to be thinking,

So maybe i’m not the only one..

V.i.v.a

2011-04-19T19:23:00.001+08:00

It's actually pretty much over.

I didn't feel it this morning as i was fussing over being the first person on the list for Viva.

I didn't feel it when they called me in and asked "So what do you want to tell us?"

I didn't feel it as they questioned me on what had changed in me since entering UPM.

I didn't even feel a thing as they smiled and said " i guess that's all we have time for."

The moment it did hit me was when i saw the next person come out of the viva room, and when i saw her face, flushed as she began retelling the events in the room just as i had before her. Its funny how we gauge experiences through other people sometimes. Thinking that oh she survived that before thinking wait i survived that too.

Viva. 4 grueling years wrapped up in one small chit chat session with lecturers whom often gave us palpitation in class. I had often imagined this day to be monumental where we would burst out those doors screaming in freedom. But it seems, everything was calm, quiet and our goodbyes were said with gentle smiles and advice from the educators whom we thought wanted to strangle the life out of us.

I guess closure makes you forgive and forget. All the complaints, the whining, the torture, the lack of sleep, the lack of food, the lack of sanity and i was still thinking, when will i ever see these faces again.

In the end what i really wanted to say was

"thank you, for the knowledge you've given me, for the person you build me to be and for the person i will strive to become.."

Eat Pray LOVE

2011-04-18T12:48:00.003+08:00

Despite that fact the i returned home after the last of my classes in order to study for the upcoming finals, i found myself stuck to the computer screen watching eat pray love till 3 in the morning yesterday. ^^v

I was actually reading the book, courtesy of my mak long. But my sis somehow persuaded me to watch the movie while i was still half way through the pray part.

Personally i thought the movie was great despite my common bias to books. Pretty much followed the story to at least where i had read. Plus Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses ever who seem to stay beautiful no matter what role she plays. There were also some nice eye candy in the form of David and Giovani XDD. Italian men really have astonishing features 0_o lol!

My favorite part of the movie however was obviously the journey to Bali for Love ^^ so call me a hopeless romantic. I'm the type that thinks almost anything is sweet. Seriously, but the character portrayed in this story somehow.. i dunno.. made me think, where can i find one of those? Shameless. I know. But really. A girl can wish no? ^_~

The time has come for our last run..

2011-04-11T12:00:00.002+08:00

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu...

Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita...

Akan tiada lagi kini tawarmu..

Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati..

Ada cerita..

Tentang aku.. dan dia..

Dan kita berasama..

Saat dulu kala...

Ada cerita..

tentang masa yang indah..

saat kita berduka..

saat kita tertawa..

FOya FoYaaN~

2011-04-08T21:44:00.001+08:00

This week was definitely one for letting go of pent up energy and stress.

Yesterday zafu, putri erica and i decided to go out to time square to catch up on some goshipping as erica so fondly calls it. It was 5 by the time we got there and i was already starting to feel the exhaustion from earlier classes. It turned out we never even got to shop at time square. Probably due to the fact that it was almost 9 when we finished eating and discussing personal matters, did a little shopping at Sg.Wang and finally reached time square at about 10. The store keepers were literally pulling down their grills in front of us. We reached home at around 11 something. Totally exhausting.

And yet today, i was with these peeps:

going to ikea to eat this:

Which was pretty awesome by the way. I'll probably get around to bringing my siblings here too. Not too bad for 14 bucks ^^ It's been awhile since i got to play with the rebel a.k.a cannon D550. But it was a whole lot of fun catching these 3:

and the occasional moi

There shall be more tomorrow since we'll be going on an all day trip to PD for our final year barbecue. But i'll probably be busy with my baby to even want to play in the water XD

The brighter side of things..

2011-04-01T13:33:00.002+08:00

As for right now there are soo many things that i feel i should be thankful for. I mean, despite the hurdles of final year. There is still that sliver of pleasure you find in the little things. So lets give thanks for all the good things that has or will be happening to me soon ^^

1. Bumi Anbia..
If all goes well my whole family including my Wan will be off to umrah in May. I must say when my mom first proposed the idea to me i was soo bogged down with studies that i didn't even know what to answer. Not to mention that the thought kind of made my hair raise. I mean, it takes a lot of preparation. You don't just up and go to umrah. But the longer i thought about it the calmer my heart became. I guess it is about time. I'm 23 this year. It should be on my list of priorities. And if He feels and that I am ready for such a trip then I will by all means try my best.

2. Write up Submission and Seminar
The feeling of finishing a write up just can't be explained through words. That sudden rush of relief and exhaustion running through your body simultaneously can be overwhelming. To think of all the times tears of frustration had pricked at my eyeballs. Now it feels like tears of joy. ^^ Though it is only the first draft submission, the final marks will be given. But whatever the verdict i think i've given it my best effort. Same goes for my disaster of a seminar. Ok maybe not disaster. But i wish i was more experienced with statistics so that i didn't have to repeat the same answer 12 thousand times. And the fact that my supervisor had to actually explain the concept of my research to the panel was a bit humiliating on my part T-T. But all is said and done, 10% is not the end of the world.

3. Schorlarship Hunt
I have, for my own good subscribed to a malaysian scholarship site in order to get information for furthering my studies. This was actually initiated when i saw a scholarship bulletin at the faculty for a New Zealand Commonwealth scholarship. Unfortunately it required me to have at least 2 years work experience, which of course i did not have. So finally i went hunting for schorlarships that may be able to satisfy my craving for studying abroad. Its not much, but its the first step to getting my lazy butt to do something about my post degree education. It still seems a little intimidating. But small steps. Gradually i'll get there i suppose ^^

4. Those big bright eyes..
I had the shock of my life when my mom brought my cat of more then two years to the vet in UPM yesterday. Semut, or more lovingly known as Omot at home is the largest cat i owned up till recently. I seriously love hm to pieces. Even though he's evil and picks on others and loves to fight and sprays everywhere, he's just my favorite bully. So you can imagine the horror i received when my mom brought him to me with half his face missing. I need to make it clear that i am NOT exaggerating people. It was literally half his face. What was even more heart wrenching was that he recognized me and was looking at me through his remaining eye as if asking me what was happening to him.

Distraught as i was, i was also thankful and quite amazed that he was actually still alive. The vet were also very caring people, insisting that they would try to do their best and see if he could pull through. I just received a call a few minutes ago saying that they had cleaned his wounds and his bodily function seems to be all in order. Their only worry is that the tissue might not be able to fully grow back to cover the wound. But the best new was that they told me he was eating well, golojoh in fact, Just like the omot that i knew ^^ they say if a cat can still eat, its a sure sign that he's fighting to get better. So please pray for my Omot, so that he can come home to us again.

5. JYJ from DBSK
On a lighter note, jaejoong's recent twitter update just made my heart all the more calmer in light of their rather depressing separation from one another. To see the two words in the same sentence written by my one and only. It only makes me love him even more. And the tweet by fukutaro saying that his hp background is still a picture of the 5 of them almost reduced me to tears. After two years.. there's still a picture of 5 of them ingrained in my mind too ^^

Habis Thesis 2 Pagi

2011-04-01T02:06:00.004+08:00

Because i've successfully finished my thesis at 2 in the morning and i currently can't seem to get any shut eye, here's some nonsense coming your way! XD

A-Available/Single? ehe..hehehe..MWuahahahaha!
B-Best Friend? Hurm my sis..huhu
C-Cake or Pie? I seriously do NOT enjoy sweet things.. but pumpkin pie...yum ^^
D-Drink Of Choice? Green tea.. and no i'm not a health freak -_-v
E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? My little black box (a.k.a nokia flip ^-~)
F-Favorite Color? Black.. and then red cause the red ocean is awseome!
G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? ok the worms are gross.. seriously.
H-Hometown? Somewhere only i know. and... a couple other people. huhu
I-Indulgence? Retail therapy <3
J-January Or February? Why only 2 choices.. i want october ><
K-Kids & Their Names? My babies? bear, tikus, and kakak ^^
M-Marriage Date? I'm working on it.. ^^v
N-Number Of Siblings? 4.. or is it 3? I always get confused if you count yourself in or out 0_ov
O-Oranges Or Apples? Oranges ^^ Though i prefer melons.. huhu
P-Phobias/Fears? We shouldn't speak of bad things.. huhu
Q-Favorite Quote? Changes from time to time, currently: what doesn't kill you will make you stronger... after letting you fall face first into the asphalt.
R-Reason to Smile? Them crazy kids i call my friends and my babies!
S-Season? Definitely spring
T-Tag Three or Four People? Wait a second.. are we on facebook?.. nyuhuhuh
U-Unknown Fact About Me? I LOVE dark angsty novels cuz i think they're beautiful.
V-Vegetable you don't like? oooh.. tough one. I love my greens.. and them other colors too ^^
W-Worst Habit? My attachment to my bed when i should be somewhere else.
X-X-rays You've Had? Oh yeah.. which left my mom with one gold pendant destroyed ^^v
Y-Your Favorite Food? Just plain old fried eggs. They are awesome!
Z-Zodiac Sign? Libra ^^

Finishing School

2011-03-27T21:07:00.001+08:00

Soooo....

It really wasn't as bad as i had thought it would be. Regardless of the fact that it was scheduled right smack in the midst of me trying to figure out my FYP seminar. Communications skills actually taught me a little something, Suprise2 ^^

During these final weeks of being an undergrad i can't help but to think back to the student who had feebly stepped into UPM's large campus with a pounding heart and wobbly knees. To think that if i could summon that girl from four years ago to stand beside me.. what a stark difference that would be. I'm not trying to sound self praising or anything of the sort. But i'm sure everyone has had these moments of realizations of whom they have grown to be.

I used to to be painfully shy. To the point of shivering and having eye spasms when i was forced to talk in front of crowds. Maybe because i was the youngest most pampered sibling of 4. Most of my communication needs were handled by my sister, who even as a baby and till now has pretty much doted on me. Back then i had thought it was surely incurable and that that was just how i was and how i would always be. I was also extremely poor at mingling, and new settings always gave me palpitations. Life seemed so difficult then.

My first recollection of not feeling like i would faint in front of a crowd was in my second year.Usually my nerves would always get the best of me leaving me sputtering and at a loss for words. It was a simple class presentation, i'm not really sure what, but i remembered feeling good about presenting, about explaining what i knew to people who were listening. And i actually was able to muster and honest smile, compared to my usual panic frown. Gradually after that i learned to project my voice, which so often had been the topic of my scolding in the past.

Though by the third year i was already confident enough to present class presentations and mingle with strangers that i just met, i still suffered from a major communication flaw : eye contact. Even now as a final year final sem student i tend to avoid this as much as possible, reserving it only for critical situations.

But to think that someone as shy as i was could develop into someone who is able to speak her mind, i can't help but be impressed. Not with myself, because that would seem totally narcissistic... but with the human ability to learn and adapt without you even realizing that it is actually happening. Suddenly realizing that you are no longer the little girl that was so scared to even talk to a person, but now a young woman, curious and ready to face the challenges of the world is really such a refreshing eye opener.

I think the biggest shift that must occur is the thought that no matter how hard or how impossible it seems to you in the present, you will always persevere to look back at it in the future and say with humor.. " oh yeah.. that was me.. a loong time ago.."

Fogged up Mirrors

2011-03-23T12:35:00.003+08:00

5 days and counting till my seminar is here.

I don't even have my results all in yet. Apparently some of my samples require another round of zetasizing, and last night i spotted a fatal flaw in my methodology which could very well leave me speechless if the panel catches on to it. If only i had more time, if only i had more resources.. if only..

But what can be said for an undergraduate research. I feel a bit lousy for not being able to do it properly you know. I mean something i could really be proud of. Not that i'm not thankful for all the new twists and turns that i had to learn. And there were definitely some things that i would want to explore further in the future. It's just there are soo many loop holes and creases that i didn't have time to fill or flatten out. So it all comes out too rushed for my liking. But then again who isn't in a rush to graduate.

My FYP is like a fogged up mirror. I wipe it once and i can see the figure staring back at me. But only for a few seconds before it gets cloudy again and i have to work up the energy to clear it all up once more. Repeated cycle, until i'm wondering when will someone turn off the hot water already? -_-v

Huhu in a state of total exhaustion. I had a cup of coffee last night in attempt to hack at my thesis until i at least had the methodology done. Unfortunately with every cup of strong caffeine i take, comes the unwelcomed side effect of the "himpit" experience. The suffocating pressure, the palpitation of the heart, and that hair raising feeling at the back of your neck. It's not something i look forward to when my body's a step away from collapsing and my eye bags have practically reached my cheeks at 2.30am. So this continuous till about 4.30 when my body really does collapse only to be rudely awakened by my phone blaring out rihanna for subuh prayers. The amount of cortisols i'm accumulating.. i can't even. -_-v

But there is still light at the end of the tunnel. At least by the 28th it would all be behind me. Then maybe i can catch up on some much needed me+bed+bear time and a bit of retail therapy if i'm up for it. But for the moment i almost have no energy to even work up a lopsided smile..

Oh Good Lord!

2011-03-18T02:32:00.001+08:00

The work load just never seems to decrease these days.

I am actually quite happy and relieved regardless, since i have finally finished my TEM as well as zatasizing for my baby liposomes. Took me a whole two days, missing a total of 4 classes, but i really didn't have a choice did i. Beggars can't be choosers. I am however, worried that my samples have been over kept and that the results have been somewhat compromised. I wont know until i meet up with my overly genius supervisor to revise the data and countless TEM shots that were taken .

THAT in itself will probably be a plausible feat seeing that he has just remarried and is currently house hunting for his new family. *sigh* patience, patience, good things come to those who wait..

My much anticipated seminar has been confirmed on the 28th with some of the most severe lecturers as my panel. I'm hoping that they wont know much about my topic to be asking me too many critical questions. I mean last i checked there should be only one expert in nanoliposomes in our faculty. And according to him we will be making the slides together. That is IF i can hunt him down in time.

This is actually my midterm's week, but they have unceremoniously been shoved to the back seat in light of the fact that my thesis submission was dated to be on the 25th. Imagine that. Not only do i have to scribble nonsense in less than a week, the final grade for my thesis is based on that same first draft. The only fortunate matter in the whole mess is that the 45% thesis grade is actually based on my supervisor with another 10% based on my progress in his eyes. I am hoping that being his only undergrad student still under his wing that i can use that to my advantage.

I'm off to Port Dickson this week for a much needed time off. But time off still includes finishing assignments as well as studying for my dairy test on monday. The first time kinda had made my eyes go round when he handed back the paper to us. I guess i spoke too soon when i said the test was relatively doable. It seems simple questions calls for complicated answers. It seems...-_-

I need to get some shut eye. Its way late.

Eminem & Skylar Grey

2011-03-13T15:00:00.001+08:00

Currently my playlist has been playing just one song.

I need a Dr. - Eminem feat Dr. Dre.

I'm usually not into such.. erm strong language ^^v, but personally i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it. Which incidentally was in a JPA gathering where i had no choice but to stuff earphones into my ears lest i fall asleep.

Not only is Skylar Grey's voice perfect for this tract it also has a haunting effect to it too. Which is why it has officially become my ringtone. (It has an eery feeling to it when it rings at night though ^^v) And Eminem's rap is just awesome. I mean i thought that his rap for "Love the way you lie" was great, but this one was even more perfect. The song feels a lot deeper and probably meant something important to him.

Looking back to when i used to have a crush on the slim shady in the "i'm slim shady" video. I have a lot more respect for the grown slightly tortured Eminem now. He totally deserved that Grammy ^^ If not for anything else, his performance was amazing!

Japans Earthquake

2011-03-11T18:06:00.001+08:00

I was initially going to write about how may analysis was cancelled today and how bummed i was about it until i read the news today. Lets pray the people of Japan and neighboring countries will be safe. This was the live telecast that made my hair stand on end.

Junsu is also in Japan. Reports say he is safe and well. I can only hope for the best for everyone else..

Over Protective Instincts

2011-03-09T18:46:00.001+08:00

Ever been overprotective of a really good friend?

Sometimes to the extent of not liking the thought of them being with anyone else because other people just might not seem good enough for them. At least in your over protective mind they aren't. If the answer is "no" then i'm pretty sure the "LIAR" bell is blaring at the back of your mind. I'm actually willing to bet on it. Though it seems like a grossly inappropriate feeling to have as a "good friend" i guess a lot of people will right it off as "thinking what's best".

So all it really comes down to is jealousy rearing its ugly head. And though you may think it makes you less of a good friend it is actually perfectly...... human. It happens to the best of us believe me. Jealousy at relationships, jealousy of attention and the works. What defines a good friend i guess is how you act on it. You can totally become the fire stone convincing yourself that your actions are justified to deliver "whats best" for your dear beloved friend or step back to review your thoughts. Maybe... you really should let them figure it out by themselves or maybe... your friend actually has it all under control despite that uncontrolled fear you have that they will get hurt or that other people are constantly plotting evil against them. And maybe its also mixed in with your own fear of you losing a confidant and the top spot on their priority list. I think its everyones worst nightmare. It's definitely one of mine however selfish and unbecoming that may sound.

So i guess it is inevitable. How do you know that when your friend does come to you for advice that it isn't tainted with jealousy geared towards your own benefits. I'd like to say that i've tried to be subjective whenever this situation arises, (which is quite often by the way) but who can say for sure right? Nevertheless, like my sis always says, relationships evolve when they need to if its strong enough to withhold the challenges of life. So i guess being human we'll all go through this over protective instincts at some stage and hope that whatever happens you always had good intentions at heart ^^

2011-03-07T10:00:00.001+08:00

Last weekend was a pretty busy one.

Saturday was spent shopping for my dinner attire. Which fortunately was found at the first shop that we went to. We even got to buy red, which saved me the hassle of finding another red baju kurung for Eipah's wedding in May. So two birds with one stone ^_~

But you know how it is when you find out everything that's wrong with the dress only once you've already bought it and brought it home. It happens to everyone i'm sure. I still like the dress, though it might be due for some alterations which can't be done before my dinner so i'll just have to live with it for now. Which might leave me having to buy a new pair of heels -_-v

Sunday on the other hand was reserved for a road trip. Sending my mom to KLIA for her business in Serawak and then sending my Wan back to Tampin, and then returning home to pick up my altered jubah in Carrefour. I was a bit peeved that the tailor lady somehow managed to sow on my shoulder pads crooked. I mean shoulder pads people... it ain't rocket science. And I freaking paid for that >_<.

I also bought myself a mini massager (A.K.A) MiMO:

Cuz them back pains are really getting to me these days. I know i know seeing a dr would probably be best, but for the moment this will have to do.

~XOXO~

2011-03-01T12:58:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Gosip Gurl merathon day!. Though i'm not sure if 3 episodes count as a merathon ^^v anywho i'm rooting for the new guy in the script. Ben jeng3!:

Ok so usually I'm not one to be oogling the Caucasian guy, however i would make an exception for this one ^^ Or maybe its the character he plays. Whatever it is please have more Ben in coming GG episodes Mwuahahahaha!

Getting there..

2011-02-25T20:40:00.001+08:00

I had initially written a very long very frustrated entry on the absolute failure of the 2011 MIFT. But then it seemed that would never come close to finishing and in two days my anger managed to switch to incessant worrying regarding the creeping date of my seminar. So without boiling anger to motivate me, writing the disastrous occurrence just came to be a drag -_-v

I am however getting sick and tired of old people grudges that leaves other peoples live's a living hell. I mean it's not like you can tell them to grow up. They're already fermenting for gods sake. -_-v

Yesterday i stayed till 12.30am at the faculty to finish my samples for the particle sizer I had booked from IBS. Booking the damn machine was a problem in itself seeing that IBS just happened to be nestled at such an unreachable place. Especially for those without means of transport. (A.K.A Moi) But i did it. I didn't complain. I payed that freakishly expensive cab. I went to learn how to fill the forms and finally got to send it in before the dateline. I even called to make sure the paperwork went through, thanking god when the cheery voice at the other end of the line said to call her when i wanted to come so that she could turn the machine on for me.

So there i was this morning with my supervisor, exhausted, but at the same time extremely optimistic that i would FINALLY after months of toiling get some results from my baby nanoliposomes. And then it all came crashing down when that cheery voice informed me that the paperwork wasn't approved. I had just called her an hour prior to our arrival and suddenly the story had completely changed. Thinking that it may have been due to my carelessness i asked if it was something wrong with the paperwork and she just shook her head smilling saying that all the paperwork was fine. My frustration was peaking by the second as i pestered her on why it was that i was denied a mere 30minutes with the machine.

The story finally came out that Prof. Maznah, (referring the old fermented hag) had denied me because i was under the supervision of my supervisor. Why? Because she had a personal grudge with him when he used to work there. Can you imagine? Because of a personal grudge there lay a huge brick wall between the miserable me now and the future happy me with a full written thesis in hand. I was at a loss for words. I really just couldn't believe what the hell was going on. My supervisor sensing something was amidst was also getting agitated. Not that i could blame him, but it wasn't like i could tell him the real reason that the staff lady told me. When we finally left the building i cried. Because i was tired, because it wasn't my fault and because i was really REALLY looking forward to getting those damned results after the scare of my seminar briefing. It was a shameless thing to do. In front of my supervisor, his R.A and a PhD student no less. But i really didn't care at that moment. It had reached my limit.

To be fair I only cried for less than 3 minutes i think. Because i was already trying to figure out what the next step was. My supervisor contacted one of his students to try to book the zetasizer under a different name and supervisor and i was told to write to the student affairs faculty dean. In fact i just received a call from him just a few minutes ago. Now all i can do is wait, and hope that for the life of me SOME people will learn to be professionals at their job.

Of Milk, Tests, and Music surfing

2011-02-15T19:31:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my first field trip ever in the 4 years of becoming a food tech student. ( i think..) Dairy is fast becoming my favorite subject of all time! ^^ I did wish that we could've visited more of the factory, but i guess thats a tall order for 30+ students who came at short notice. Fonterra was very gracious though to walk us through most parts of their factory. And then it hit me: it must be pretty awesome to be a in company where the whole nation practically consumes your goods. I mean if that isn't pride i don't know what is.

The trip ended at slightly after 5. All would have been well until i realized that my English test was that day and that i was probably missing out on the whole thing! In a surge of panic i messaged my sir practically pleading my case, and though i'm a total sucker for motion sickness there i was reviewing my notes in that rickety bus. I swear i fought the urge to hurl about 5 times. The moment we made it back Zafu rushed me to the class only to find that they had rescheduled on wednesday. -_-v save me the heart attack why don't you. On a brighter note, the Dairy test earlier that morning was a welcomed change from the mind boggling questions i've becomed so accustomed to this final year.

I recently did some extensive music search on the web as a result of the sudden realization that my playlist was becoming painfully repetitious. And because Billboard really had nothing to offer (seriously what do they come up with these days -_-) i had to turn to youtube for guidance. The results is still scarce. To be fair i was surfing while doing notes so.... you get what i mean. So far :

1. G.na - Black and White
2. Se7en - Like them Girls
3. T-ara - Why are you being like this
4. Infinity - Before the Dawn (BTD)

Now personally i kinda loved the BTD music video. Click here to watch ^^ Kind of erm.. different from your normal kpop i guess. The sound is also kinda funky. Wellpz, i must be going, a shower sounds really nice.

LOL of the day ^^

2011-02-13T12:25:00.001+08:00

I just HAD to!!! XDD

In 3.....2.....1.... H.E.C.T.I.C

2011-02-11T11:12:00.003+08:00

My next week is starting to look like a nightmare! In a nutshell:

MONDAY - Dairy Tech First Test.
   Classes from 10am -7 pm
   Report Writing Assignment

TUESDAY - Holiday but....
   Cramming in Food Controversy Group Assignment A.K.A first test
   Free Fatty Acids Assignment

WEDNESDAY - Notes!
   Lab work
   Spectrofluorometer paper work

THURSDAY - 2 Presentations both of which are marks for the 1st test
   Specific Functional Foods Test
   Discuss Oratory Titles brainstorming

FRIDAY - Off to Monash University till Sunday for MIFT.

This is considering that i don't fall so out of schedule. Too many things to think about, not to mention my write up >_<

Pukul 1 Pagi

2011-02-10T01:34:00.001+08:00

I should probably be sleeping right now. Tomorrow i have classes from 8 till 4. In other words mencari nafkah.. Shouldn't have drank that whole cup of coffee. Now i'm just ruining my eyes staring at this all too bright screen in an all too dark room. Too many words and phrases floating up in my head

who is "forever"?

6.25 meeting..

changed their minds in just1 hour?

hosu coupe talk..

rotation incident..

There's suddenly too much info to digest..Everything is getting way too complicated. I'd like to think i'm not so naive to believe anything at face value. It's still disturbing though.

Winds of Change

2011-02-08T11:17:00.001+08:00

There has much been going as of late.

Especially in the Shah's Familial Institution. My baby, (referring the feline) was admitted for 5 days at the animal hospital in KL due to a sudden occurence of batu karang. I will not even mention the bill they sent home because it was just..... 0_o. I suspect that one of my other cats that passed away recently also suffered from the same problem. His death being labelled as various misplaced accusations until his older brother (now healing from batu karang) finally brought the possibility to light. My family has undoubtedly become suspicious of all types of cat food be it friskies, whiskas or smartheart, and are feeding the cats fish, rice with the occasional infusion of blended vegetables. The alternative of science diet may sound promising. But when you have 8 mouths with a monstrous appetite to feed, you will soon find that rearing little fur balls is no simple business. -_-v

Next in line at the Shah's Familial Institution would be that of the family itself. We are now taking on the simple baby steps of compromise and trust. Some more than others i must say. But i do feel it is a positive turnabout even though sometimes it leaves me feeling a bit er... i don't know the word to explain it. Ngilu? I guess i'm not one for the touchy feely stuff ^_^v But all seems calm. I should be thankful at least for that ^^

And the line up of marriages and deliveries just keep coming. How merry and bountiful everything seems ^_^ Almost makes me forget about the more stagnant than not FYP on my shoulders. But i will pull through. Even if i end up scratched and bleeding getting there. Hwaiting!!

Jaejoong Day!!

2011-01-26T09:14:00.001+08:00

This is the earliest that i've blogged in the morning. Just to shout out :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM JAEJOONG!!!!!

Wishing you brighter & happier days ahead. Himnaeseyo Jejoongie!! <3

I would have bought your intermodulation you see but i'm currently out of cash right now, even for the esssays T-T. It just kills me. But I'm workin on it! >_< There's still homin's CD to buy. Haish pali2 get back togehter so i can just buy one cd with all my boy's ^^

Hyunbin FTW! ^^

2011-01-21T16:53:00.001+08:00

I just finished my Secret Garden Marathon last night!

I must say it's now probably on my top 5 favorite dramas if not at the top XD. Hyunbin is totally aweome in here. That acentric, rich, clueless namjah with the pure heart lol! Mianh, still haven't recovered from post drama crush ^^v. But then again i've always loved hyunbin so i guess that doesn't count. Anyways it totally made me want to get married afterwards XDDD. That's some serious case of side effects i would say.. heheh

The OST is also pretty impressive. My favorite is obviously 'That Man' sung by my one and only. Topping the charts this week by the way ^^ If the man doesn't win any awards for his outstanding skills then there's probably something really wrong with the system. >_<

Looking Better

2011-01-18T20:24:00.001+08:00

Today i finally fixed out the annoying kink in my schedule. To think i was already considering to drop my dairy elective just so i could register for that god forsaken class. I seriously do not see the point. It would have been more logical for them to make it mandatory for me to take a foreign language. But i digress. In the end i was still able to keep my elective. Dairy totally rawks!

I must admit the smell is still something to get used to. But the little calves are sooooo adorable and they have such big eyes! It really has been awhile since i've been in touch with nature i think ^^v I'm totally bringing my camera next week. UPM's ranch is just really beautiful. All the green and those white fences just makes everything so photogenic. Makes me dream of having one of my own. But then thats some hard labor we're talkin bout.

Anywho after the initial relief of finally getting my schedule together it rained really hard as i waited at the bus stop for nearly an hour. (K6's bus is just hopeless) I would have though i'd be in a faul mood. But then the rain cleared and i looked up at the sky. And it was really just beautiful. For some reason everything just felt like it was alright. No worries about my FYP, no worries about the elusive spectrofluorometer, family, assignments nothing. Because how could you worry when the sky is so bright? When there are so many other good things to think about.

And so i thought, I'm going to try to do better with myself. Not be so bogged down. To let things take their natural turn. Because there's always that bigger plan. I hope this optimism will stay with me longer. Though i'm pretty sure the sress will catch up to me sooner or later. But just for now.

It's really good to be alive ^^

Inspiraton

2011-01-12T17:21:00.001+08:00

" In a day when you don't come across any problems, you can be sure that you are travelling a wrong path "

Dread

2011-01-07T10:19:00.002+08:00

There's this gripping sinking feeling in my core that just wont go away.

Not after the recent news. I must say it was inevitable, but really seeing it go down makes me sick to my stomach. Not to mention sick at heart. Proves to show you some things are meant to be unsolved and that good things must come to an end.

But they've been such an important part of my life as of late. its disturbing to see things unfold this way. My source of comfort and joy has suddenly turned to some torturing reality in which i can't turn myself away from. They say sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. But i know that words can break a person, slowly chipping away at you.

I had thought that loyalty and love would conquer over everything, even time, as naive as that may seem. But people are cruel and there is no clear line between the right and the wrong, which leaves you feeling utterly helpless to help anything.

I feel relieved but sorry and the same time.Such contradictory feelings must not be good for a person. Hm.. but i'm being too melancholic. This is still just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe something unbelievable will happen. So i can have that hope in them again.

Beggining of the end..

2010-12-29T14:21:00.001+08:00

Monday will mark the beggining of my last semester.

I can't even begin to describe how wierd that feels. This semester will be the closing chapter of my undergraduate life. That is insya'Allah if i don't extend any semesters (which i seriously don't intend to. ><)

My FYP is going ok i guess, but i'm still not sure to where the time planning is. I'll just have to be extra hard working for the next 4 months. I think i've walked the most in the last two weeks. Going from one lab to the other. Walking to the faculty since the bus schedule is out of whack. But it isn't so bad. Walking alone is kinda relaxing. Especially when you have so many things to think about.

I just finished a pretty good novel called the Interpretation of murder. Finally got my mom to buy me one from the bookstore. Read the bulk of it in one night. I have that unhealthy habit. It leaves my eyes all puffy the next morning. My supervisor even asked if i was unwell. huhuh..But you know a good book when you can't seem to put it down. Again one of my favorite genres : Historical Fiction. I wonder if that makes me sound really old or really boring ^_^v But now i no longer have a book to read.. haish.. i should read slower. At least i can savour the moment longer.

F.Y.P

2010-12-17T13:56:00.001+08:00

For Your Pleasure.. LOL!

Well today marks the official beginning of my Final Year Project. After 2 weeks of anxiety attacks i'm finally cooped up in the lab. Not much of a better alternative if you ask me. But at least i know i'm well on my way now. Still a bit apprehensive when i see everyone else focused on their work while i'm still asking around for glassware.. huhu i guess its slow and steady then.. ^^ Anywho my supervisor seems bogged down with so much stuff. Hopefully i can handle things on my own.

On a good note i finally got to check my grades today. Alhamdulillah my CGPA is still favorable. I was kinda grinning like an idiot in my supervisors office lol. I though i was really in for a steep fall last sem. This sem would be even more grueling with 21 credits at stake. Haish, i'm totally going on vacation after this chongmal!

Recent turn of events have gotten me to think a bit more seriously about what i want to do to further my studies. Up till about recently i can honestly say i had no motivation or idea of what to do for my masters. Past couple of months have been kind of a low point for my morale. Not too sure why either. I kinda felt like giving up all together. But then inspiration can come from so many sources. Maybe i've just started to see in now. But i shouldn't stress overly about the future when theres still a lot to do at the 'here n now'.

wokeh.. Hwaitting! ><

What Completes Me

2010-12-03T17:24:00.001+08:00

What makes a person who they are?

I think thats a whole lot of puzzle pieces to even begin to put together. But here's a stab of what i think makes me who i am. In retrospect, 22 years might not be so much for some. And one could argue that i have a long way to go to really know WHO i am.. But since thats practically my whole life, i guess that can be excused ^^ So heres a rough list of things that i think complete me, though... that kinda sounds a bit.. goooey. But yeah, in other words things that keep me sane for the most part.

First and foremost. The indefinite 3 F's

Faith

Family

Friends

1. I'm pretty sure Faith needs no explaining. In this case of course i mean religion. I think its a given for most people. And though I am far for being the role model, i honest to god try my best. To err is human, but i try to catch myself before i go too far down that road. I am grateful though that certain encounters in my life have made a huge impact on how i understand and view faith. And I'm thankful for the people who have had a hand in that. Namely a certain Sister Fatima who used to teach me in Sunday School at the mosque. Not to say she was the only one, but she is someone i could never forget.

2. Though family should also speak for itself, my family would probably need a little more explaining than most. Lets just say our family of six doesn't really fit into the conventional mold. Heck some people would even say we aren't normal. But i guess normal is kinda subjective. So what may be a normal everyday routine for my family, may call for creased brows and disapproving looks from others. Don't get me wrong. I Love my family. Just like everyone else. It's just summed up with a whole lot of other complicated feelings as well. Nevertheless, family is often the major molding factor for any individual.

3. Friends. What's the saying 'you can never have too may friends'? I wonder sometimes if thats true. Huhu i'm probably sounding like some antisocial depressed kid. But yeah, friends. One of my weak spots really. And probably one of my most apparent character flaw. I can pretty much get along with just anybody. Serious. Its just i have a line that i don't cross. I have really good friends, spanning from elementary school up to college. It's just i don't have very many. And i'm not good at keeping in touch. Secluded? Kind of. But not intentionally. Sometimes i get really nervous even around friends. Which i'm not too sure is entirely normal. Anxiety issues maybe. Dunno, but friends, good friends, have been a real boost for my sanity. I appreciate a good companion. and i should try harder i guess on my part to not become so detached from people. huhu.

4. My babies. (kittens above are not mine btw) Ok i know, "who in their right mind would include cats as part of who they are?" You'd probably consider that as a hobby or something along those lines. But seriously, they're a huge part of who i am. I don't know how to explain it. Cats have been a part of me ever since i was born and continuously throughout my life. I think it would be safe to say i've seen more than a hundred come to pass. There is just this feeling you get when you see them and when you hold them. (but i'm guessing this only pertains to certain people) I can't say it's not entirely maternal like, but then again i know for a fact my brothers feel the exact same way so i'm really not sure. You just feel like you want to take care of them. Keep them out of harms way. There have been times when i've actually turned to them for emotional support. Crazy i know. But in my family thats more like normal. And don' t get me started about talking to them. See the thing is, i know they're listening and for the most part they act like they understand. But this short paragraph does not do justice to my pretty felines. I'll put up another post on my babies later.. ^^

5. Music. i for one think that music is the ultimate universal language ^^. Who doesn't listen to music in this day and age? And I'm pretty sure people listen in a myriad of different languages and genres too. I listen to everything as long as it sounds good. I mean its great if there's lyrics that i can understand, but sometimes just the tone and manipulation of voice can tell you so much already to what's being said. Sometimes i even like not knowing what i hear. But when you get good music with good lyrics, now those are the ones that really get to you. Personally my siblings and i prefer korean music. Why? Hurm... the mixture of good music, excellent voices, charisma, and star quality to the max? Who wouldn't? Anyone oblivious to the hallyu wave is just not living on planet earth. Simple as that. Though it's safe to say that i was smitten more than a decade ago even before the hallyu wave came to be.. ^^

Music also leads to another important rather recent part of my life known as fandom. Yes fandom. It's crazy unbelievable but my everyday actions just negates the purpose of me denying to be a fangirl ^^v Owh but i really don't like that word for some reason >_< Its kind of an obsession i guess. Does it make me who i am? I would think so, since it occupies a lot of my mind these days ( especially a certain kim jaejoong *drops dead*). You would think a final year student on the verge of beginning her final year project would have something else to focus on. But i'm telling you. It's an addiction i'm not viable to ditch soon. And not sure i want to at that. Its just so much more than ogling at 5 men generously blessed in the looks department. (Though ogling is half the fun ^^) It is so weird i dunno if it can ever be justified.

6.Books. I think i have mentioned my love for the written words in my previous entries. Also my love to write them. Not that i'm particularly good in that area....yet ^_~. I like reading. I like it quite a bit. Though i haven't had much time or the resources to these days. So i turn to the internet for a fanfic or other. They are the best! But still.. nothing beats a good ol' book. So many things to read it's kind of amazing. Having peoples fantasies and imaginations put down on paper for others to share. I remember how often my siblings and i used to go to the public library, or how I'd listen to my sister read aloud a book to me before bed. And this was in middle school. People always think thats kinda weird. Only pre-schoolers get their books read to them. Wait till they hear she still feeds me while i sit on her lap at 22 LOL!! but i digress XD

This list is probably subject to change. I can't think of anything else right now so i'll have to stop here Xp

In Between

2010-11-11T19:48:00.001+08:00

So it dawned on me just a few hours before my first paper that i was lacking the feeling of knots in my stomach and palpitations that usually came with the words 'finals' I mean there was that slight worry, but nothing really close to what i've experienced in the last few semesters. To be truthful i was more nervous about the tetanus shot we received this morning. And it hurt by the way.

so with my left arm feeling slightly numb i sat for the Metabolisms paper at 2 this afternoon. I have to say this class has been a constant red light in my head, what with my first test turning out the way it did -_-, i was hoping beyond hope that maybe... just maybe i could catch a break with this last paper.

But oh the misery... =( I think i stared hard at the two essay questions for a whole 10 minutes. First of all i would like to explain that though i said i wasn't nervous about the exam doesn't mean that i went easy on my notes. I could be a serious candidate for Repetitive Strain Injury i tell you. Sooooo not kidding >_< But to my chagrin the two killer questions collectively valued at 21 marks was just too much for my brain to handle. Looking around the class i was met with similar dumbfounded stares at blank paper. Interestingly enough i felt like laughing my head off. The trials and tribulations of final year just never ceases to amaze me.

What a a way to begin my 4 papers in 3 days marathon right? I need to get reading. Another killer paper in oh 13 hours. Lets see me survive that one ^^v

Forgotten Halloween

2010-10-31T20:11:00.002+08:00

I can't believe today is Halloween.

And i totally forgot!

Not that i was planning to really do much dress up or trick-or-treating. I think thats pretty much frowned upon once you turn 20 or something. But i guess it does bring back lot of memories. ^^

Back then the easiest costume to get away with was baju kurung Xp. I especially remembered Halloween at sand point, a student housing where my family used to stay. I kinda miss it. It was a really good neighborhood with good kids. It no longer exists now i think. Last i heard the whole neighborhood was renovated. But anyways treak-or-treating was totally awesome. Almost every house participated. I even remembered the community center making a small party for all the kids with games and a mini haunted house. And Halloween wasn't limited to neighborhoods either. We even felt it in school ^^ Man, how i miss that atmosphere.. It was really something else.

And to think i wont be able to feel that anymore. Partly cuz i'm too old and partly cuz that life was a million miles away. It's kinda depressing ^^v

Sometimes i think its kinda crazy that i remember certain things from seattle so well even when i've been back 8 years. Like the small hill in front of my old house with a small crater in it that me and friends used to lie down in after pretending to be horses with the knees of our pants green from galloping in the grass. (dun ask ^^v). Or the playground where i used to play monkey bars until my hands were full of callouses. Or the mosque where my family would spend every night during ramadhan for breaking fast as well as to follow the imam in a lengthy terawih prayer. So many things from so long ago and so far away. And even if i did revisit Seattle i doubt the feeling would be the same.

I guess those memories aren't only imprinted in the mind. But also somewhere in the heart.

Særat Bites Product Launcing (UPM) 2010

2010-10-29T23:16:00.125+08:00

The Faculty of Food Science and Technology, Universiti Putra Malaysia underwent its annual New Product Launching today. A whole semester of toiling and hard work boiled down to just this one event. Judges from the industry were present alongside our own lovable educators as well as reporters for the news. It was as nerve wrecking as it was exciting.

There were 10 teams in total. All in the running for receiving the overall best new product award 2010. Preparations for booths had begun on Thursday. But I can safely say that our product booth practically started at 5a.m D-day due to unavoidable stress and planning issues on our part resulting to sleepless group members with a serious cases of panda eyes 0_0. Nevertheless launching was awesome! I had though of writing a lengthy descriptive entry until i figured, pictures speak louder than words =)

5 A.M D-day :

We really didn't get much done thursday evening. I think it was a mixture of lack of creativity, fatigue and panic that everyone had started before we did. Thus 6 of us stayed up all night to figure out our board layout. We had very limited resources and i remembered feeling like being in elementary school as i was cutting the colored paper to be put on display. We finished preparations at about 4.45 and rushed to the faculty to put everything together. And the result:

I must say we could’ve done better. But the given circumstances i was pretty satisfied with what we were able to cook up ^^

8.00 A.M. D-day:

This was our final layout for our display table. I’m actually pretty happy with the results though there really wasn’t much on the table to display. There was actually an LCD to the left which was showing a slideshow of our production process.

We were finally able to get uniformed chocolate coating on our product with the help of Cocoa Board Malaysia who lent us their expertise and allowed us to use their equipment. As a result our once lobsided and lacklustre balls were now evenly round and shinny through what is known as the panning process ^^ The ingredient corner was actually my favourite =p

And finally the full team of 11 led by our dedicated leader Afiq^^ The boria t-shirts were compliments of F.O.S., RM. 8.20 per piece, Kids section. LOL!

The Others =) :

I was really siked to see everyone’s booth. Everything seemed so purty ^^ And everyone was in such high spirits in their matching clothes. It was just too cute Xp

The Judges 0_o:

Actually our first visitor to the booth was none other than UPM TNC as well as our faculty dean. And with them came a trail of our lectures who repeatedly took our samples ^^v

The judges were actually pretty nice people. I mean i was under the impression that industrial people were quite harsh, seeing that they know the crude reality of business. But they were all very helpful with criticism and praise.

The People :

There was a steady stream of visitors as we waited for our judges to come.I was actually surprised at how many people came from staff to student. Some even showed deep interest, taking the lengths of asking our contacts in order to know further details. Before we knew it our sample was finished and we ended up opening sealed display packages for them to try. I'm trully apologetic to my other course mates though who were busy attending to their booths and didn't get to try =(

The verdict:

At round 12.30 we were all asked to the dewan for multimedia presentations as well as gift giving ceremony. 3 categories were up for grabs:

1.best booth

2.best packaging

3.best multimedia

And then of course the overall winner. Syukur Alhamdulillah our group was awarded 3rd place overall. I can't say i didn't wish for first =p but the 1st and 2nd place winners were well deserved in my opinion. First being Tap-A-Bite while second was Sur-1-Mee, both of which will be representing upm in the nationals! I just feel so proud ^^

Overall there was much learned this sem. Ending our final educational week, i felt that i needed to step back and really appreciate all that we had to endure in the last 3 months. Its kinda amazing how things always seem impossible until its done. It was crazy, it was hard, and it really put our mental and physical stamina to the test. But as long as we went through it together, things just don't seem so bad. I can't imagine how our final sem together will be.

But i'm sure it would be Epic! <3

A Deeper Meaning

2010-10-25T15:34:00.002+08:00

In Your High Honor

All Over My Skin There's Art Splatter,

And With Everything That Happened This Part Mattered,

I Tatooed Your Name on My Tongue

Then my Heart Shattered

For those who get what i mean~

Brain Food

2010-10-21T21:13:00.002+08:00

I think i'm in serious need of intellectual stimulation.

And when i say that i actually mean, I need a book.It's horrifying to even state the last time I was immersed in a good novel. They're hard to come by these days. I mean i don't intend to be evil in any way when I say books like the twilight saga really just don't cut it for me -_-v. But then again, young adults.. what can I say.

I'm picky about what i read. And i know people say you should give a book a try. But i literally read the first two pages and instantly know whether its worth spending my precious hours on. Picky is an understatement. I like authors who know how to paint their world and their characters. Yes, books are up to individual interpretation but i believe that when you write something it shouldn't just miraculously appear in the readers mind however they see fit. A writer should to the best of his or her ability show the world what they envision first, and then leave the rest to the the readers imagination. I mean isn't that the whole point of writing something?

Some people may find lengthy descriptions in books a bit boring, and some kinda are. But then there are authors like Anne Rice. The sole purpose why I was so into vampires in my teenage years. And i'm not talking about the sparkling vegetarian ones (pardon the reference). I'm talking about the tortured souls of the damned. Even till now, i've never read anything quite like her writing. Don't get me wrong though, i'm not that dark of a person. It's just the world she paints makes you just fall in love.

And then there are books like His Dark Materials trilogy. And i must say, the movie really did not do it justice like most books-turned-silver screen. I clearly remembered reading these books. They were the kind that left you feeling like you were hovering between two worlds. And feeling really disappointed as i turned the last leaf of the last book because that world had come to an end.

There was also a recent book i read called history if i wasn't mistaken. A good 700 pages of small print which i could hardly put away. This book was a really good fusion of fact and fiction. Until you could hardly tell the difference. I don't know what it is with me and thick novels. The thicker the better. The smaller the print the better. That way, the story lasts longer. And when the story is good.. the experience is really just perfect.

Right now i'm craving for something old and rustic, something rich with history and good language. I don't know how to describe it. Fiction but not really fiction. *sigh* but maybe that's to tall of an order T-T

Picture Entry ^_^

2010-10-17T23:44:00.002+08:00

In light of buying a new DSLR Cannon EOS D500 TI Rebel (long name -_-v) I've decided to do a picture entry today.. nyehehehe

I went to my first showcase ever today yeay!!! ^^ Though waiting outside from 12 till 2 in the hot afternoon sun did chip away at my patience a bit.. I was really disappointed with the concert management. They were REALLY unhelpful and the concert started an hour late! I could only see my boys for an hour T-T. Though imma remember that moment forever ><

Couldn't take too many pictures in the stadium since obviously DSLR's weren't permitted, but we still got to sneak ours through. The guards were watching like hawks though so we kinda gave up the idea. Resulting to no pics of my jaeness on stage T-T

We even gave a simple seonmul ^^ For all 5. There wasn't exactly a booth for fangifts which in my opinion was kinda mengong since its abovius fans would like to show their love from gifts. But the urusetia with inch thick makeup and personal portable fan blowing in her hair just went "I don't know anything bout that" GRrrrr i kinda wanted to spill the contents of my water bottle on her right then. Thank god we found some VIP seat cassies to give our seonmul. Hopefully it'll reach them ^^

Backtracking to close to the end of raya we went for a full family trip to rumah pak ndak in Bentung. We ended up going to a waterfall nearby (forgot what it was called). Really nice place though. And the above picture is the result of all anak cucu wan except for 1. Take a wild guess.. Xp

F.A.N.D.O.M

2010-10-08T20:07:00.001+08:00

I used to think that it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.
Because it didn't make sense.
Because it was extreme and
Because it just seemed downright childish.

That was about a year ago. Until I finally found myself quite literally in the midst of one of the hugest fandom ever witnessed. And no it didn't make sense, and yes it was sometimes extreme and often quite childish.

But it was also very moving.

Not in a million years had I ever imagined i would feel so strongly for something so far away and yet who seems so close. I never thought i could be so inspired by a language i didn't understand or by people that i didn't know or be so effected by the cause and circumstances that they must go through. And to realize that thousands of other people worldwide share the same feelings and are willing to befriend you and help you due to just this one common intrest seems so baffling. And i began to see that there was also a beauty in the chaos. Not to say that i've lost all sense of reason just yet.

Its just that i think i understand a bit better now. That not all fandoms are filled with immature individuals who only know how to idolize and pester. There are those who really care, who want what's best and who in all honesty just want the obejects of their effection to be happy regardless.

I kinda wanna be one of those people ^_^ Cuz it helps you learn to love selflessly in a way i guess. And yes, i still agree that there are limits to what i would do for fandom. Obviousy right?

But limits are always negotiable ^_~

JYJ.. I'm Comin!! <3

Seriously? No.. SERIOUSLY?!

2010-09-28T21:08:00.001+08:00

Scary how time flies.

One moment i'm freaking out about proposals and the next i find that finals is just right around the corner. What happened to the 10 weeks that have gone by?

Ramadhan and raya weren't as eventful as i remembered them to be. Could that be the side effects of getting older? Things just seem to loose their charm, and you get easily disenchanted. Not to say that ramadhan necessarily needs enchanting. I mean i fully understand the importance and significance of the month, just... it used to be more memorable i guess. Raya still isn't over yet. I haven't been to any other openhouse than that of my relatives. And then i see all these posts of my my friends visiting eachother's houses. Sometimes it does seem a bit pitiful. At my age.. haha.

I am a bit excited though for next month. Ok no, actually WAY EXCITED! Jae will be coming for a showcase on the 17th XD! To think that i would never see the day when i get to see My jaeness up close. I Seriously HAVE to go. Even though fangirling is so not my thing.. i just need to see him once in my life time ^^ I even bought the fan package. LOL naseb baek RM16 jer.. The tickets on the other hand.. *ahem2* will not be dislcosed here =p But i'm hopin if i sign up as a team member there be such things as backstage passes.. *grins*

hu.. neways till then, i'm stuck writing notes and toiling for product development which just always finds a way to go flop. Yes i know... patience, patience. With 3 tests this week, one which happens to be on a satruday morning, i am unavoidedly irked -_-v But i guess thats just how it is. I'm also kinda worried about my supervisor who hasn't been replying to my emails lately... a lot of lecturers seem to be busy coming to the end of this sem. Save one who was involved in an accident 2 days before raya. Poor thing. The phrase that stuck in my mind were:

"Siape nak jage die?!" and
"Adekah die keseorangan di bumi malaysia?" LOOOOOL!!! courtesy of nabihah XD

2010-09-01T18:21:00.002+08:00

You can never be too sure of anything these days..

My head is in a complete mess with everything going on at once. 5 days at home was exactly what the dr ordered. But there was always that lingering worry at the back of my head.

Just finished a rough rough draft of my proposal(at around 3 last night). But i wonder if it is as convincing as i would have hoped. Sometimes i'm not even sure what information is relevant anymore and suddenly my sentences sound like some off topic rambling 0_o I just hope i can submit without too many glitches. I swear i'll write more comprehensively in my thesis! >_<

My babies just got neutered yesterday. I was so worried i opted to pray terawih at home so me and along could watch over them. It felt really awful somehow to have to do that to them. Especially when they look at you with such big eyes. The moment they came to they were already wobbling into our laps. Poor things. I'll have to make it up to them later. But at least i wont have to worry about unexpected new litter coming in. I think 12 felines at home for the moment is quite sufficient.

One good news this week is that our date bar for product development has gotten the green light to proceed. I was spazzing with along at home on what other ideas we could have done if the bar was rejected. There were some good ones like instant dutch babies. I haven't had those forever! But maybe we'll save that for when we open a bakery some day. Insya'allah ^_^

huh... need to be getting back to my assignments. Everything must be settle before Raye. I don't even want to think about anything else when i go back to rumah wan. >_<

ooh and we'll be making dodol this year. Abeslah sakit pinggang nak kacau. XD

Certain Uncertainty

2010-08-04T16:12:00.001+08:00

My brain can’t seem to snap out of vacation mode.

Or maybe classes this sem are just too confusing to handle. They weren’t kidding how much 6 months lapse could damage your memory -_-v Then to suddenly be bombarded with an FYP title that sounds as alien as it is complicated is just greeeeeaaaat!

So i guess this early depression should be classified as normal. Cuz i’m pretty damn sure every one of us is going through the exact same thing. Though it really isn’t helping me cope with the remaining 4 subjects this sem.

1.) FST 4824 Quality management – almost non-existent lecture who has a knack of giving her students palpitations and increased secretions of cortisol every time we enter her class. ( Though personally I kinda like how her brain is wired ^_~)

2.) FST 4703 Metabolism – welcome to the extremely confusing & complicatedly detailed world of metabolism mechanisms. The moment this class starts there’s a dead silence and everyone has that dumbfounded look plastered on their face. I’m sooo not kidding -_-v It’s one of those classes that when you finally get what he’s saying you feel like jumping up and down and tell the whole class. ^_^v

3.) FST 4701 Functional food chemistry – One of those classes where you wish you could use both hands to write notes simultaneously. Extremely fast and extremely student centered learning. And notes are all in forms of journals. Joy.

4.) FST 4828 Product Development – personally i think i like this class best. Despite the fact it’s a 6 hour lab with no chairs, PD really gets your creative juices going, if there’s still any left at the end of the week ^_^v Plus its group based so i guess the load doesn’t feel all too heavy.

Haish shincha, everything seems so complicated now. Feeling kinda lost, while i wait for that balance to come back. My FYP seems like something from a new course all together. So i can’t really sort out what i feel about it exactly. Excited at the prospects of learning tissue culture, nano ecapsulation and possibly QSAR modelling software but also there’s that agonizing anxiety that keeps asking if i’m up for it. It seems like a lot to handle. But thankfully my new supervisor is really helpful and smiles at me 24-7 ^^ I guess ade hikmah there somewhere.

Aja2 hwaiting!! >_<

Kembali..

2010-07-10T09:55:00.003+08:00

It feels so weird to be packing my stuff again.

after 6 months of staying home.

I think i already forgot half of what i learned in the past three years 0_ov

Sorry

2010-06-30T21:00:00.001+08:00

i used to really like this word.

Because i liked what it stood for. Admitting one was wrong and confessing.

but lately this word has been a source of pain and annoyance to me. And every time i hear it i almost get disgusted just at the sound. Instead of receiving it as maybe a toned down whisper it seems to come at me like a sneer. As if saying i have to accept it even though i know fully well it isn't an apology.

I wish sorry's were what they used to be. I wish people meant what they said. I wish i didn't have to lose faith in people.

2 weeks and then..

2010-06-28T19:11:00.001+08:00

As expected,

my first day of freedom and I am already bored out of my mind, resulting to a total revamping of my room and then spending the rest of the day on the net. Which, as of late has failed to captivate my attention. -_-v I was starting to think i should have taken Ms. Abby's offer to work for another 2 weeks for 50 a day. But i though, then i'd just be bored, stressed and tired all at once and the thought was completely banished from my mind.

Sunao narenakute (hope i spelled that right) has finally come to an end. I freaking love that drama by the way, not only because my jae totally rocked it there, but it was also a drama about friendship. Something i think a lot of us are in need of these days. I have also watched the full season of Glee and Mercy. The later being the cause of recent frustration since they decided NOT to air the 2 season. And i was totally rooting for the cute cop and the problematic but sweet married couple! >_<

*By the way i just HAD to put a cap from the drama cuz jae is just totally adorkable in there with his polo tshirts and dorky laugh. How can you not love the man. LOL!

I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for some new dramas though. Paradise ranch and beautiful love among them. what can i say ^_^v waiting dilligently for subs from an angel of a girl befittingly named angel on u-tube lol. I seriously love you! Oh and of course heaven's postman. Whenever it sees fit to grace us with its presence -_-v

I was making a note of all the things i would have to bring back to college this morning. About halfway through i started to feel tired just from reading the list. And then i fell asleep on the couch pen ad paper in hand huhu. I think 6 months actually made me forget how stressful college was, and why i was almost always at home every other weekend. The fact that i'll be inhabiting ground floor really doesn't make it any better T-T But the 'to buy' list kinda got my spirits up ^^ i mean shopping is shopping right. Even if it's for stationary (which weirdly enough is my guilty pleasure ^^v) or vanity or whatever else is on that list, there is always enough time to slip in a shirt or two. And if i'm lucky, a new pair of jeans. Yay! ^_^

It's a good thing i'll be off to midvalley on wednesday, before i start going insane.

Pejam Kelip

2010-06-16T15:36:00.002+08:00

Only a week left before my days as a practical trainee is over.

I can't exactly say it was over in a blink of an eye, but it really did go by faster than i would have initially imagined. It kinda just registered that i was really training for half a year. I guess there's a lot i should be thankful for. Along used to tell me that practical training was supposed to open so many doors, and even though i would have killed to have her experiences romping through the forests, i think my 6 months spent at Double Lion was just as valuable. It is somewhat satisfying to be acknowledged as an adult and to have your concerns and suggestions heard and taken seriously. I think it really helps a person recognize their responsibility.

I am excited to go back to studying though. There is a different kind of satisfaction when suddenly things begin to come together and make sense. I'm talking about that sudden realization that you actually get what the lecturer has been drilling into your head for the past half hour. Maybe it's just me, but i do find studying and making notes kind of interesting. And if that doesn't turn me into the biggest geek i don't know what will ^_^v

Final year does scare me though. I mean there's so much going and so quickly that i don't even have time to think about it or have much confidence that i can go through with it for that matter. But i guess people pull through. I mean i never though that i would live through practical training and now here i am. Things aren’t so bad.

But it does suck that i’m getting ground floor this year. I HATE ground floor with a passion. No offence to the people there or whatever. I just have issues with the floor itself. Everything about it just rubs me the wrong way..

I NEED to get proper internet connection this year. Hopefully a wiggy. I need to keep track of things online. Especially a certain wordpress account I have been following religiously. ^_^v Hopefully I’ll be able to bring this Samsung netbook for my final year. Along with my pc of course. It’s not over excessive ok.. it’s perfectly necessary XD

Oooooowkey i need to finish up my report now >_<

Short Break

2010-05-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

I received my much earned short vacation last Thursday.

Though it was a bit nerve wrecking filling in the taking leave slip in front of the human resource manager. She just sat there staring at that little piece of paper. I think i contemplated writing personal matters under "reason for leave" about 3 times. But finally i just scribbled down holiday. So much for lying ^_^v

The drive to penang wasn't as bad as i would have imagined. I'm not one for long travels. I succumb to motion sickness almost immediately. But i had just reloaded my mp3, so most of the way was spent screaming my lungs out. Which, in a way was a good thing, I'm sure i did a good job keeping along awake =p

We checked into a hotel called Mingood. I kinda liked it there. There were lots of novels lining the shelves at the reception area. They even allowed us to take some up to the room to read. The people were especially nice. And the room wasn't so bad either. I guess i don't really care much for luxury.Gimme a bed, a functioning toilet and AC and I'm pretty much satisfied.

I think this would have been my first trip ever to penang in my 21 years. The place is really nice. Especially the buildings. I'm a sucker for those intricate stone houses with their verandas and pillars. Penang has a different feel to it i guess. Modern and yet still kinda rustic here and there. The roads on the other hand... were a bit hard to handle. Small one way roads really makes travelling a bit stressful.

4 days off really does lift your spirits. Compared to the Sundays that i usually get off. Even staying in a hotel room was enjoyable enough. Despite the fact that the AC was seriously drying me out to the point my skin was cracking. I'm feeling the aftermath even now.

On the trip home me and along got to talking heatedly about a few things. I was actually surprised how strongly i felt discussing them.

The first, was a topic that didn't particularly have anything to do with me. But i could say that i was close to shedding tears talking about it and the great disappointment and worry that came with it. And by great i mean thinking about it constantly day after day, almost bordering obsession.

The second however was a topic that is very close to me.. encompassing even. I had though that it was something i had long become accustomed to. A sort of coping mechanism on my part perhaps. But talking about it really put reality into light. And i realized that it did hurt. And i did care and maybe i was also scared of what could happen.

I guess you're not always as strong as you think you are.

Jae & Yamapi

2010-04-24T09:45:00.001+08:00

Jae n yamapi were spotted in tokyo in a AIDS fund raising with lady gaga.

Despite my recent depression over dbsk activities (>_<) the news still made me squeal like a little fangirl. hehe, what can i say, two of my favorite boys. And to think i saw soo many similarities between the two. It seems that they're actually pretty close. Haish.. Jae n his networking skills i tell ya ^_~

Glad that jae is doing well though.
Hwaiting

Dissapointed

2010-04-20T08:43:00.002+08:00

The moment my jae comes to mind i feel like pulling my hair out in clumps at a time >_<

WHEY!

aigo sincha...
and to think they were all at their prime. I mean they're practically known world wide. Then suddenly everything goes downhill. They say what goes up must come down. I just wished they'd had done it together. I mean seeing my boys siding in different sides really is just dissapointing. Not that i'm not wishing wholeheartedly that they will put everything behind them and still remain as a 5 unit group. Though that seems to be getting farther asn farther away from reality T-T

I guess even if they did break up i wouldn't have minded so much if they were all ok with it. But if they seperated with ill feelings that would be really sad. andweh andweh andweh >_<

Ok I need to lay off dbsk for awhile, seriously bogging my mind at the moment.
I have documents to take care off.

newho.. keeping faith.. whatever shred there is left ^_^v

Off Balanced

2010-04-13T20:08:00.001+08:00

Having your trust betrayed hurts.

Having your trust betrayed when you knew better hurts even more.

Having your trust betrayed by someone you've known for so long hurts like hell.

I've realized that i'm not good at talking about my emotions. Was never able to explain what i felt into words. So i would choose to just stay quiet, smile and say that nothing's wrong. I honestly hate holding grudges and being bitter.

But i guess being human... It would have to be the bitter me for a while. At least till I can convince myself that everything is just fine.

Self Satisfaction

2010-03-01T10:23:00.004+08:00

I took leave last saturday to attend 'Bengkel Ko-Kauselor Kepimpinan Muda' at Gunun Ledang Resort Johor..

Partly cause i felt guilty that i couldn't help or participate in any of the other programs Al-Biruni has been planning. And partly i was feeling a bit lost in routine from work..

The course was surprisingly entertaining, learning things such as empathy, body language, and the process of exploring a person's mind. I've been listening to people all my life. Be it family, friends, sometimes even acquaintances. But i never considered venting to other people myself. I'm not sure if that's an issue of self confidence or trust. But i guess the only other person i do vent to is along. Though i totally understand the peace of mind one gets when someone is there just to listen to their problems. That's why i don't mind so much doing it for other people.

I was especially motivated by the closing speech from both safuan and the pengarah of Yayasan Nurul Yaqeen. I'm not really sure why. But you know that feeling you get in you chest when someone is talking about something that means a lot to you. That feeling that almost feels like you want to cry, not because what they are saying is sad, but because you know the passion that that person is feeling about the things they stand up for. I'm not trying to sound all erm.. whats the word -_-v But i can't exactly explain it either.

Whatever it was, i was left feeling motivated, enlightened and somewhat contented. I remembered back to when me and along had envisioned one day of setting up a non-profitable agency for the development of young minds, and realizing that i really wanted that dream to come true. Because I think i understand what it means by personal satisfaction now, and apparently it's not about you at all ^_~

Vent

2010-02-27T00:17:00.004+08:00

Ok...

get it together.

What were you thinking?

You knew better.

Look what happens..

when you don't listen.

Some things don't change.

So do yourself a favor..

And stop already.