Decisions.

Have you ever had pets?

I think I've had pets ever since i was born. And continuously till my adulthood. Mainly cats of course. Up to the point where I've pretty much seen it all. From, car accidents, to fatal infections, to gangrene to bladder infections to poisoning, you name it.

When i was much younger we used to have a cat named Mima. I remember when he came home after being hit by a car.  Broken limbs and a dislocated jaw. The vet had told us he'd survive. But I guess it was already his time. His last moments were excruciatingly difficult to watch. The spasms, the shrieking. Ask anyone i know, i have a very poor memory. But this particular ordeal was something that stuck with me till today.

Yesterday, i was told that a stray that my mom had brought in a couple weeks ago had been hit. We tried getting her to the UPM veterenary, but we reached there too late and the doctors had all already gone home. we finally found a vet at presinct diplomatic where i was able to see the extent of the damage for the first time.

It didn't look good. The dr said he was sure there were at least 4 broken areas, internal bleeding and he suspected broken vertebrae. There was also the fact the that there was no movement from the waist down and she no longer was able to control her bladder. Estimated cost of surgery and recuperation was at 2k. Vertebrae surgery required a specialist and there were possible complications due to her flu.   We didn't have that kind of money. It's sad when you realize what it all comes down to.

In the end my sis  brought up the courage to ask the ultimate question on weather the dr thought it would be best to put the cat to sleep. He said it was a definite option seeing that the cat was in a very severe state.

It was a difficult decision to make. A very difficult decision. Every time the cat meowed, responded or even looked a t me there was this overwhelming guilt and hope that maybe we could save it. But you would only understand if you were there watching it bleed and labor to breathe.

In the end we allowed the dr to euthanize the stray. He explained to us the procedures and asked us to reconfirm. I thought that maybe i could at least be there till she took her last breath. But I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't even that attached to her. To think of it I never even had time to play with her since my mom had taken her in. Even then, making that decision for her was heartbreaking.

I have been so used to comforting my cats during their ill spells and bad days. This was a whole new experience for me. Something i hope i don't have to repeat in the future. While we were saying our last good byes the dr told us sometimes the hardest decision to make is the one that's best.

I honestly do hope so.