Yellow..
Well, i can safely say its been close to a year that I've left off even trying to update this blog. I think my last entry can explain why I've just been focusing on a whole lot of other things lately.
But, I'm in the middle of writing the draft for my thesis and this just happens to be my 30 minute break to overcome that writers wall that so often happens when you're neck deep in something pretty dry ne..
Alhamdulillah I recently submitted my notice of submission, which means whether I want to or not, a final draft on my thesis has to be handed in by august to my supervisor. I've always worked best under pressure. So pressure it is ^_^v How long has it been? 4 years? I could be a pHd holder with that much time under my belt. Hahah. But jokes aside, 4 years filled with so many things, so many lessons. To say I wouldn't have it any other way might be a bit much, but to say I regretted taking this long would be a lie as well. Pray for me that this is truly the last chapter in my masters saga.
Oh and my brother is married. Last January, to a high school friend. The other one is back from France and is currently trying out his hand in the F&B business. My dad is doing alright. Still has his stubborn bouts of not taking his medication sometimes. But all in all family is stable.
A lot goes through my mind while i'm nearing the end of my studies. Like what i want to do with my life. What I actually want out of it. I feel being 27 going on 28 and just barely stepping out in search of a career is a daunting and to a certain extent embarrassing thing. To make matters worse, I'm unable to drive, ( well unable is stretching it. I haven't driven after obtaining my license), so I'm not very social or have particularly my own freedom in a lot of things. Granted living away from home does give me some personal freedom, but my group of 'people' is certainly very small with my family and namjah making up the bulk of it.
Ask me where I see myself in 10 years? Even 5? I cant say. The parents obviously wanting me to have a secure job in the government. Pencen. Pencen is key. But is it my key? Will that make me happy in life? Am i happy now? It's amazing that when you actually get to that basic question, the answer is not always at the tip of your tongue. I don't know if i'm happy. But i know what makes me happy, and i guess if i focus on those things maybe life will get a little simpler to puzzle out.
Sometimes things come at you in a knotted ball and you have to sit yourself down a pick through things one strand at a time because you cant possibly make anything out of knotted ball right? Time consuming? Yes, very. I think i've always been good at multitasking, but when it comes to big events concerning my future, then a lot of thought and consideration needs to be focused on the task at hand. The hardest part is being absolutely unrelentingly honest to yourself. Honest on how much effort you put in something. How much you want something. How much you need something, all the way down to how good of a person am i, religiously as well as just another human being.
Haha, sooooooo yeah, half an our of pouring I don't know what into this sad little blog of mind, just to unwind my thoughts. It helps though. I'm a bit calmer than when i started. Welpz, hopefully by the next time I update, i've figured a few things out in my life and maybe there will be a job prospect in the air. InsyaAllah!
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
1/31/13
Series of Unfortunate Events..
The starting of 2013 is starting off with some unexpected and unfortunate events.
Last week I received a call that my grandmother had vomited blood and was admitted to a hospital in Negeri 9. My surgeon pak long, had however left the country on that same day and was only able to dictate through the phone on what was to be done. My grandmother was transported all the way to Tawakal Private Hospital in K.L where my Mak Teh works. Fortunately the diagnosis was not as bad as i had feared. But it did get the whole family together, aunts, uncles, cousins alike. It makes you remember what's important. And also the importance of having someone with a medical background in the family. It might sound superficial, but I've been through many instances where having a certified doctor in the family really helped move things along. Now my grandmother is currently staying at my family's house before we can figure out further arrangements.
Then, on the 2nd day of my grandmother's stay, my mother received news that the son of her best friend since college had been rushed to ICU due to sudden hemorrhaging. He was my senior in school. It was a rare condition in certain people where the blood vessel in the brain is inherently fragile and ruptures due to high pressure. By the time my mother and brother went to see him, he was already on life support. They arranged a solat hajat for him the following day, but before they could gather, the boy passed away. I was informed later that evening and my sister and I made our way home to grieve with the family. Death can come so fast. It was shocking, and surreal that it was difficult to realize that someone you knew is no longer alive. That night, while reading yasin at their house, the youngest son of the family had stood in front everyone thanking and inquiring about his older brothers unpaid debts. It made me sad. To have that responsibility at such a young age. Loosing someone can break you down, but it will also make you stronger.
Finally, last night around 9pm, I received a call from my mom from the hospital. It seemed that she had tripped and fallen down the stairs of her office. The security guard and a few of her staff had brought her straight to the hospital. Fortunately while she was talking, she seemed calm, but unable to use her foot, she was wheelchair ridden before the doctors could fully assess the damage on her leg. Not risking anything my sis requested that she get a full body check up, if heaven forbid she had hit her head or anything of the sort. You can never be sure with elderly people. I was worried myself. Immediately i imagined her disappointment at not being able to follow the jemaah prayer at the mosque like she is so used to. I'm not sure why that came to my mind among other things.
It just goes to show you, things can happen so quickly and so unexpectedly. My grandmother who vomited blood is Alhamdulillah alive and well, while a young healthy boy had suddenly passed away. It puts life in perspective for you. It doesn't matter who you are, how healthy you are, or how well you try to take care of yourself. Life is fleeting, and time, deceiving. Make the most of it while you can.
Last week I received a call that my grandmother had vomited blood and was admitted to a hospital in Negeri 9. My surgeon pak long, had however left the country on that same day and was only able to dictate through the phone on what was to be done. My grandmother was transported all the way to Tawakal Private Hospital in K.L where my Mak Teh works. Fortunately the diagnosis was not as bad as i had feared. But it did get the whole family together, aunts, uncles, cousins alike. It makes you remember what's important. And also the importance of having someone with a medical background in the family. It might sound superficial, but I've been through many instances where having a certified doctor in the family really helped move things along. Now my grandmother is currently staying at my family's house before we can figure out further arrangements.
Then, on the 2nd day of my grandmother's stay, my mother received news that the son of her best friend since college had been rushed to ICU due to sudden hemorrhaging. He was my senior in school. It was a rare condition in certain people where the blood vessel in the brain is inherently fragile and ruptures due to high pressure. By the time my mother and brother went to see him, he was already on life support. They arranged a solat hajat for him the following day, but before they could gather, the boy passed away. I was informed later that evening and my sister and I made our way home to grieve with the family. Death can come so fast. It was shocking, and surreal that it was difficult to realize that someone you knew is no longer alive. That night, while reading yasin at their house, the youngest son of the family had stood in front everyone thanking and inquiring about his older brothers unpaid debts. It made me sad. To have that responsibility at such a young age. Loosing someone can break you down, but it will also make you stronger.
Finally, last night around 9pm, I received a call from my mom from the hospital. It seemed that she had tripped and fallen down the stairs of her office. The security guard and a few of her staff had brought her straight to the hospital. Fortunately while she was talking, she seemed calm, but unable to use her foot, she was wheelchair ridden before the doctors could fully assess the damage on her leg. Not risking anything my sis requested that she get a full body check up, if heaven forbid she had hit her head or anything of the sort. You can never be sure with elderly people. I was worried myself. Immediately i imagined her disappointment at not being able to follow the jemaah prayer at the mosque like she is so used to. I'm not sure why that came to my mind among other things.
It just goes to show you, things can happen so quickly and so unexpectedly. My grandmother who vomited blood is Alhamdulillah alive and well, while a young healthy boy had suddenly passed away. It puts life in perspective for you. It doesn't matter who you are, how healthy you are, or how well you try to take care of yourself. Life is fleeting, and time, deceiving. Make the most of it while you can.
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