Finishing School


It really wasn't as bad as i had thought it would be. Regardless of the fact that it was scheduled right smack in the midst of me trying to figure out my FYP seminar. Communications skills actually taught me a little something, Suprise2 ^^

During these final weeks of being an undergrad i can't help but to think back to the student who had feebly stepped into UPM's large campus with a pounding heart and wobbly knees. To think that if i could summon that girl from four years ago to stand beside me.. what a stark difference that would be. I'm not trying to sound self praising or anything of the sort. But i'm sure everyone has had these moments of realizations of whom they have grown to be.

I used to to be painfully shy. To the point of shivering and having eye spasms when i was forced to talk in front of crowds. Maybe because i was the youngest most pampered sibling of 4. Most of my communication needs were handled by my sister, who even as a baby and till now has pretty much doted on me. Back then i had thought it was surely incurable and that that was just how i was and how i would always be. I was also extremely poor at mingling, and new settings always gave me palpitations. Life seemed so difficult then.

My first recollection of not feeling like i would faint in front of a crowd was in my second year.Usually my nerves would always get the best of me leaving me sputtering and at a loss for words. It was a simple class presentation, i'm not really sure what, but i remembered feeling good about presenting, about explaining what i knew to people who were listening. And i actually was able to muster and honest smile, compared to my usual panic frown. Gradually after that i learned to project my voice, which so often had been the topic of my scolding in the past.

Though by the third year i was already confident enough to present class presentations and mingle with strangers that i just met, i still suffered from a major communication flaw : eye contact. Even now as a final year final sem student i tend to avoid this as much as possible, reserving it only for critical situations.

But to think that someone as shy as i was could develop into someone who is able to speak her mind, i can't help but be impressed. Not with myself, because that would seem totally narcissistic... but with the human ability to learn and adapt without you even realizing that it is actually happening. Suddenly realizing that you are no longer the little girl that was so scared to even talk to a person, but now a young woman, curious and ready to face the challenges of the world is really such a refreshing eye opener.

I think the biggest shift that must occur is the thought that no matter how hard or how impossible it seems to you in the present, you will always persevere to look back at it in the future and say with humor.. " oh yeah.. that was me..  a loong time ago.."


Sofie Shah said...

Do you know when I realized you've grown up?

Remember that one Ramadhan evening I picked you up from UPM, and our Satria started heating up and we had to stop in the middle of a traffic jam to get some water for the overheating radiator?

I was worried you'd hyperventilate and want to stay in the car the entire time.. But you joined me in solving the problems! You even started the car on your own, which was something I thought you'd never do, given your constant fear of ruining things ~you always were the natural klutz..

I thought then, "Ah, so you've gained some courage in school.." ^^

fura said...


thank god we had that settled without having to call pops ^^v

I'm coming home this week. Need to rest. Lets go see Merong XD

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