Oh would you look at that..

Yellow..

Well, i can safely say its been close to a year that I've left off even trying to update this blog. I think my last entry can explain why I've just been focusing on a whole lot of other things lately.

But, I'm in the middle of writing the draft for my thesis and this just happens to be my 30 minute break to overcome that writers wall that so often happens when you're neck deep in something pretty dry ne..

Alhamdulillah I recently submitted my notice of submission, which means whether I want to or not, a final draft on my thesis has to be handed in by august to my supervisor. I've always worked best under pressure. So pressure it is ^_^v How long has it been? 4 years? I could be a pHd holder with that much time under my belt. Hahah. But jokes aside, 4 years filled with so many things, so many lessons. To say I wouldn't have it any other way might be a bit much, but to say I regretted taking this long would be a lie as well. Pray for me that this is truly the last chapter in my masters saga.

Oh and my brother is married. Last January, to a high school friend. The other one is back from France and is currently trying out his hand in the F&B business. My dad is doing alright. Still has his stubborn bouts of not taking his medication sometimes. But all in all family is stable.

A lot goes through my mind while i'm nearing the end of my studies. Like what i want to do with my life. What I actually want out of it. I feel being 27 going on 28 and just barely stepping out in search of a career is a daunting and to a certain extent embarrassing thing. To make matters worse, I'm unable to drive, ( well unable is stretching it. I haven't driven after obtaining my license), so I'm not very social or have particularly my own freedom in a lot of things. Granted living away from home does give me some personal freedom, but my group of 'people' is certainly very small with my family and namjah making up the bulk of it.

Ask me where I see myself in 10 years? Even 5? I cant say. The parents obviously wanting me to have a secure job in the government. Pencen. Pencen is key. But is it my key? Will that make me happy in life? Am i happy now? It's amazing that when you actually get to that basic question, the answer is not always at the tip of your tongue. I don't know if i'm happy. But i know what makes me happy, and i guess if i focus on those things maybe life will get a little simpler to puzzle out.

Sometimes things come at you in a knotted ball and you have to sit yourself down a pick through things one strand at a time because you cant possibly make anything out of knotted ball right? Time consuming? Yes, very. I think i've always been good at multitasking, but when it comes to big events concerning my future, then a lot of thought and consideration needs to be focused on the task at hand. The hardest part is being absolutely unrelentingly honest to yourself. Honest on how much effort you put in something. How much you want something. How much you need something, all the way down to how good of a person am i, religiously as well as just another human being.

Haha, sooooooo yeah, half an our of pouring I don't know what into this sad little blog of mind, just to unwind my thoughts. It helps though. I'm a bit calmer than when i started. Welpz, hopefully by the next time I update, i've figured a few things out in my life and maybe there will be a job prospect in the air. InsyaAllah!

Somewhere only I know.

I had a dream last night.

I was on a road trip. Heading off to somewhere, i'm not really sure where exactly.

But the scenery was breath taking.

It's amazing what your mind can put together in your subconscious. I can't even recall the full picture now, but I remembered it was perfect. The greenery with those big old trees with roots larger than your body. The clear blue green water with the white foam when in crashes onto the beach. The rustic old architecture weather beaten but still magnificent.  The Breeze, the sounds and the smells. It was one of those dreams where you can't seem to let go, even when you've opened  your eyes and take in the surrounding on your room.

And I find myself missing it so badly.

Some things never change..

I wonder how old I have to be in order to look my age..

Honestly though.

Two people in the last week didn't believe me when i said i was 24. Well technically still 23 until October but i think you know what i mean. It was actually kind of funny seeing that both girls on separate occasions had the same reaction. eyes widening, jaw dropping and exclamation of "serious?!"

I kid you not -_-v.

Oh and in addition to that, during my uni years I'd often get questions like
"orang kelantan ke?" or "dari Serawak ek?" Well just yesterday i can now add " adik orang Terengganu ke?" to my repertoire. I'm endlessly curious on whether its in the way I talk or just the way I look that urges complete strangers to guess my origin ^^v

ermm.. kahwin?

Syukur Alhamdulillah,

it's been 3 days since I have official become a research assistant at Makmal Penyelidikan UPM Bernas. Definitely a far cry from the double lion atmosphere I've been putting up with for the past 8 months. No unnecessary stress or put downs. How stark the difference is between education, and the lack there of. -_-v

Even though i'm still trying to grasp what the scope for my masters will be, just being around people who are busy discussing processing, analytical processes and thesis related problems is already getting me in the mood. I feel so motivated to the point that i get slightly jealous of those who have something to complain about ^^v. But it's strangely gratifying to know that i'll be like them soon. Slowly but surely trying to get my life together.

And with the new job of course comes my new home. Well to be fair if home is where the heart is than this would be considered my temporary pad. According to Zafu i have 'officially moved out' which seemed ridiculous to me at the time. It still seems a bit funny when i think about it. I mean i still plan to go home almost every week anyways XD But i guess this would be the first time that i lived outside of home or dormitory while fending for myself.

It's strange. All my housemates are regular cooks with means of transport, while I rely on processed food and my own two legs to get me anywhere. Not that i'm proud to state this so plainly -_-. It does make me want to try to cook more. I think i'd get the hang of it after a few tries. It'll be my new resolution for 2012. heheh

To take things further 2 of my housemates are already close to marriage. One being my roomate 25 and the other a student younger than myself. So talks of hantaran, mertua and all the likes becomes a normalcy. But when it comes to things more private I end up just sitting there laughing along with their suggestive jokes without really giving much input into the matter all the while thinking aaaah so this is how it is... Not that i feel uncomfortable with the whole thing. It just feels really strange to me.

Funny how those kinds of things barely register in my brain. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. That's probably it. I wonder if when i do seriously consider marriage if I would talk about it so freely with other people? Haha, whatever it is, I think it'll still be quite sometime before that happens ^^

Sekufu?

Soooo...

This morning i was downstairs getting my packed lunch ready for work when my dad turned on the tv to "Tanyalah Ustaz".  It seems this is my daily routine now before stepping out the door.

Anyways, the topic of discussion today was "keluarga bahagia" or something along those lines. The ustaz was saying "jagalah sekufu itu apabila sudah berkahwin." I mean usually people tell me "carilah yang sekufu" which generally pertains to pre marriage criterias. But it never really dawned on me that it is still important to observe kesekufuan (hahah is that even a word ^^v) even after wedlock. Clueless i know.. -_-v

The ustaz goes on to say that sometimes after 5 years the gap between wife and husband could potentially become so great that they may no longer understand each other. Which i think is really scary 0_0. Is that why initial wedding bliss only last up to 2-3 years? Because the mindset starts to drift apart and suddenly you cant make out what the other person is thinking?

but now lets go back to the "carilah yang sekufu" part. Know the saying opposites attract? I tend to think that people with similar mindsets and values are usually similar in character. So where does this saying actually come from? Does the way you see things effect your disposition? huhu at times like these i wish i had taken psychology during my degree. But like forest gump says:

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know 

what you gonna get. 

(or who for that matter ^^)

Forget about the price tag..

"We just wanna make the world dance"

- Price Tag

Sooo... i wonder how many people in the world are currently dancing these days ^^v. What with the recession and government cut backs and lack of scholarships everywhere you look. Not trying to sound overly killjoy here, but getting my first job ever kinda made me realize the value of those greens you get at the end of each grueling month. (I haven't even gotten mine yet LOL!)

Alhamdulillah for me, i've been never been without my own money since graduating highschool. (If scholarships count as your own money anyways ^^v) Before this however money was scarce. My family was never one in the tradition of giving monthly allowances like most of my friends. Money was given when asked. And even then, not all the time. Once in matriculation i received governmental allowance, in UPM I started off on partial PTPTN and switched to a more leisurely JPA scholar in my second year. Thankfully, I still have some of the money left over from my studies, even with quite a huge chunk taken out for club expenses, siblings/family, DSLR's and what not.

I decided before the dwindling amount in my bank account became nothing, i would need to find means to sustain myself. And rightly so with the daydreams of moving out and getting an apartment, being jobless kinda smashes the whole thing into ruins. This was after I realized that furthering my studies might take some time, and that i didn't want to become penniless till then. So here i am, working as a Quality Assurance trainee for the moment before the senior QA goes on maternity leave at the end of this month leaving me to single handedly run the operation just as she had. 

There were a few things that i had wanted to do which required me to obtain a steady income. 

• Participate in monthly donation as means of sedekah. Something like UNICEF which along was a part of 
• Get my license (RM600 - 700)
• Transfer Money to tabung haji to activate the account (RM 1,400)
• put aside money monthly to said account (RM 100-200)
• Pay PTPTN loan (RM100 - 200 /month)
• Contribute to cat food (RM 180/month) and general feline expenses including vet visits. 
• Contribute to groceries (of crosss.. >_<)
• Contribute to internet bills 
• Take TOEFL (RM 500)
• Apply for MSc (RM100-200)
• Save for travel <3

But even before i could reap the fruits of my labor, my beloved Toothless (see previous post) came down with batu karang. Interestingly enough this has become a common diagnosis for the Shah Family Felines -_-v especially with the males. Currently he has been hospitalized for a total of 12 days, due to renal and kidney complications. The estimated amount given for a 1 week stay was around RM400. I'm thinking it would probably add up to sumwhere around RM600+? This is not including the bill for my previous cat which died at the vet adding another RM300+ to the total. Another bag of specialized urinal diet will probably entail adding another RM50-60 to the equation. And just the other day, my mom had abruptly transferred all cat expenses to my sister and I. This is considering collaboratively we earn less than 3K nett mwuahaha.

In addition to this, I will be attending a crash course sewing class at the end of this month with along, for RM150 each. Haven't bough all the supplies yet to do so. Don't even know how much that'll cost ^^v

I had planned on getting an mp3, an external and also an upgrade lense for our camera. But i guess those will have to wait for the time being. Oh and my daydreams of getting an i-phone.. puahahahahah. Not anytime soon if ever ^^

Welpz it's not ALL about the money, but there's sure a lot of strings attached ne.. 

Sekembalinya..

I had put off writing this post for quite a while.

Not that there wasn't much to say, but because there was too much to say that in the state of disorientation that i was in after touching down in Malaysia, I was worried that i would not do the story justice. Now that i've settled down to the normal routine of things, the whole picture kind of settles, and i'm allowed to appreciate the experience as a whole and not as some jumbled up highly emotional pieces.

And highly emotional it was.

Visiting places with so much historical content, and not just any history, religious history, really helps you appreciate and understand the ibadat that is asked of you. Real places, where real events happened, that you usually hear the ustaz talk about in ceramah agama kat masjid, or in the CD's that my mom always buys. To see them in from of you, to be there and to appreciate their importance, can really touch you.

My family was lucky enough to be able to visit all three mosques, Al Aqsa, Al-Nabawi , and Haram. We were not allowed ample time in Aqsar, given the current condition of things. Getting there took us through countless checkpoints with armed guards. The jemaah lelaki were all allowed to pray Jumaat prayers there. Rezeki mereka Alhamdulillah. The women prayed in the adjacent Dome of the Rock. We only stayed overnight in Baitulmaqdis in which we also visited the Western Wall,  and Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where Jesus was supposedly crucified, according to Christian beliefs. I must say though, this church was stunningly beautiful and rustic.

We then visited Madinah where we stayed for 3 days. I loved Madinah, to the point that the thought of migrating there didn't strike me as such a bad idea. Our Hotel thankfully was situated pretty close to the Nisa' gates. We reached around subuh, and that was when we gave our first salam to Rasulullah saw outside Raudah. I must say this was the turning point of the whole trip. This was when it really hit me. Realizing that I was giving salam, to our last prophet, and that that salam would be answered by no other but himself. How can that not be overwhelming?

The feeling of Al-Nabawi is very serene. Very calm. And the people are good honest people. It was no wonder that the Prophet loved Madinah so much.

UMRAH:

We made our niat at Miqat Bir Ali. The whole Jemaah in white, reciting labaikallah in the bus all the way to Mekah. We reached at 10 pm, and proceeded with Tawaf and Sa'ie till a little over one. My first glimpse of the Kaabah was shocking. I was told that when you forget everything at the sight of the house of Allah, you must at least remember to recite syahadah, the absolute core.

We stayed in Mekah for 8 days. 8 days full of trials, tribulations, revelations and understanding. Alhamdulillah, our jemaah was lucky enough to be guided by two Ustaz as well as another 2 additional mutawifs from Mekah. I had initially felt frightened that once in Mekah I would be lost and not know what to do. But Alhamdulillah, once you're there, once the sole priority becomes untuk beribadat, all things fall into place.

Being in a place where nothing else matters except giving yourself up to Allah swt. Life, suddenly becomes so simple. Like it all makes so much sense. Where faith alone upholds a whole community. Where when people speak, there are only praises to Allah swt and praises to our Prophet Muhammad saw. Where women are modest and men are.. well men. Mekah is like an isolated haven, untouched by modern madness and urgency.  And though so many different Islamic teachings reside in Mekah, there is still that unity you feel when the Imam angkat takbir for prayer.

Mekah is simply Amazing.

Thus, returning to Malaysia, after being kept away from the reality of life for more than 2 weeks, I guess i was caught between to distinct worlds, and not knowing how to merge them together. There was also this sense of loss and a certain feeling of panic.. Would i have the strength to istiqamah?

There is still much that i must learn. Still too much that I am rather clueless about when it comes to religion. But I am more than thankful to be given the opportunity to experience what I did. And hopefully, panjang umur murah rezeki I can return there dengan lebih ilmu di dada untuk beramal. Insya'Allah...

Help me be that person..

The doa selamat for my departure for umrah will be held this Friday at our mosque after Isya.

Following that, only 5 more days until our flight to Jordan at 10pm on Wednesday night.

Just last Monday I was joining the jemaah of 60 people on a half day course on Umrah. Seeing all the people, listening and watching the actions, it was then that it finally dawned on me that i would soon visit the house of God, regardless if I was prepared or not. Thankfully I unkwowingly got to sit next to the wife of the mutawwif, and she was kind enough to explain the little details that of course i knew nothing about. There is a huge difference in reading a book and learning from someone with experience.

I have a lot to be regretful for. Parts of me that I have been wanting to change for so long now and yet, i keep loosing the strength to do so. I am sure Umrah is the key to winning that struggle.

Ya'Allah.. there is so much that I still do not know. And there is so much that i still must strive for. Please give me the strength to be that person that I need to be.

V.i.v.a

It's actually pretty much over.

I didn't feel it this morning as i was fussing over being the first person on the list for Viva.

I didn't feel it when they called me in and asked "So what do you want to tell us?"

I didn't feel it as they questioned me on what had changed in me since entering UPM.

I didn't even feel a thing as they smiled and said " i guess that's all we have time for."

The moment it did hit me was when i saw the next person come out of the viva room, and when i saw her face, flushed as she began retelling the events in the room just as i had before her. Its funny how we gauge experiences through other people sometimes. Thinking that oh she survived that before thinking wait i survived that too.

Viva. 4 grueling years wrapped up in one small chit chat session with lecturers whom often gave us palpitation in class. I had often imagined this day to be monumental where we would burst out those doors screaming in freedom. But it seems, everything was calm, quiet and our goodbyes were said with gentle smiles and advice from the educators whom we thought wanted to strangle the life out of us. 

I guess closure makes you forgive and forget. All the complaints, the whining, the torture, the lack of sleep, the lack of food, the lack of sanity and i was still thinking,  when will i ever see these faces again.

In the end what i really wanted to say was 

"thank you, for the knowledge you've given me, for the person you build me to be and for the person i will strive to become.." 

Eat Pray LOVE

Despite that fact the i returned home after the last of my classes in order to study for the upcoming finals, i found myself stuck to the computer screen watching eat pray love till 3 in the morning yesterday. ^^v

I was actually reading the book, courtesy of my mak long. But my sis somehow persuaded me to watch the movie while i was still half way through the pray part.


Personally i thought the movie was great despite my common bias to books. Pretty much followed the story to at least where i had read. Plus Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses ever who seem to stay beautiful no matter what role she plays. There were also some nice eye candy in the form of David and Giovani XDD. Italian men really have astonishing features 0_o lol!


My favorite part of the movie however was obviously the journey to Bali for Love ^^ so call me a hopeless romantic. I'm the type that thinks almost anything is sweet. Seriously, but the character portrayed in this story somehow.. i dunno.. made me think, where can i find one of those? Shameless. I know. But really. A girl can wish no? ^_~  

The brighter side of things..

As for right now there are soo many things that i feel i should be thankful for. I mean, despite the hurdles of final year. There is still that sliver of pleasure you find in the little things. So lets give thanks for all the good things that has or will be happening to me soon ^^

1. Bumi Anbia..
If all goes well my whole family including my Wan will be off to umrah in May. I must say when my mom first proposed the idea to me i was soo bogged down with studies that i didn't even know what to answer. Not to mention that the thought kind of made my hair raise. I mean, it takes a lot of preparation. You don't just up and go to umrah. But the longer i thought about it the calmer my heart became. I guess it is about time. I'm 23 this year. It should be on my list of priorities. And if He feels and that I am ready for such a trip then I will by all means try my best.

2. Write up Submission and  Seminar
The feeling of finishing a write up just can't be explained through words. That sudden rush of relief and exhaustion running through your body simultaneously can be overwhelming. To think of all the times tears of frustration had pricked at my eyeballs. Now it feels like tears of joy. ^^ Though it is only the first draft submission, the final marks will be given. But whatever the verdict i think i've given it my best effort. Same goes for my disaster of a seminar. Ok maybe not disaster. But i wish i was more experienced with statistics so that i didn't have to repeat the same answer 12 thousand times. And the fact that my supervisor had to actually explain the concept of my research to the panel was a bit humiliating on my part T-T. But all is said and done, 10% is not the end of the world.

3. Schorlarship Hunt
I have, for my own good subscribed to a malaysian scholarship site in order to get information for furthering my studies. This was actually initiated when i saw a scholarship bulletin at the faculty for a New Zealand Commonwealth scholarship. Unfortunately it required me to have at least 2 years work experience, which of course i did not have. So finally i went hunting for schorlarships that may be able to satisfy my craving for studying abroad.  Its not much, but its the first step to getting my lazy butt to do something about my post degree education. It still seems a little intimidating. But small steps. Gradually i'll get there i suppose ^^

4. Those big bright eyes..
I had the shock of my life when my mom brought my cat of more then two years to the vet in UPM yesterday. Semut, or more lovingly known as Omot at home is the largest cat i owned up till recently. I seriously love hm to pieces. Even though he's evil and picks on others and loves to fight and sprays everywhere, he's just my favorite bully. So you can imagine the horror i received when my mom brought him to me with half his face missing. I need to make it clear that i am NOT exaggerating people. It was literally half his face. What was even more heart wrenching was that he recognized me and was looking at me through his remaining eye as if asking me what was happening to him.

Distraught as i was, i was also thankful and quite amazed that he was actually still alive. The vet were also very caring people, insisting that they would try to do their best and see if he could pull through. I just received a call a few minutes ago saying that they had cleaned his wounds and his bodily function seems to be all in order. Their only worry is that the tissue might not be able to fully grow back to cover the wound. But the best new was that they told me he was eating well, golojoh in fact, Just like the omot that i knew ^^ they say if a cat can still eat, its a sure sign that he's fighting to get better. So please pray for my Omot, so that he can come home to us again.

5. JYJ from DBSK
On a lighter note, jaejoong's recent twitter update just made my heart all the more calmer in light of their rather depressing separation from one another. To see the two words in the same sentence written by my one and only. It only makes me love him even more. And the tweet by fukutaro saying that his hp background is still a picture of the 5 of them almost reduced me to tears. After two years.. there's still a picture of 5 of them ingrained in my mind too ^^

Finishing School

Soooo....

It really wasn't as bad as i had thought it would be. Regardless of the fact that it was scheduled right smack in the midst of me trying to figure out my FYP seminar. Communications skills actually taught me a little something, Suprise2 ^^

During these final weeks of being an undergrad i can't help but to think back to the student who had feebly stepped into UPM's large campus with a pounding heart and wobbly knees. To think that if i could summon that girl from four years ago to stand beside me.. what a stark difference that would be. I'm not trying to sound self praising or anything of the sort. But i'm sure everyone has had these moments of realizations of whom they have grown to be.

I used to to be painfully shy. To the point of shivering and having eye spasms when i was forced to talk in front of crowds. Maybe because i was the youngest most pampered sibling of 4. Most of my communication needs were handled by my sister, who even as a baby and till now has pretty much doted on me. Back then i had thought it was surely incurable and that that was just how i was and how i would always be. I was also extremely poor at mingling, and new settings always gave me palpitations. Life seemed so difficult then.

My first recollection of not feeling like i would faint in front of a crowd was in my second year.Usually my nerves would always get the best of me leaving me sputtering and at a loss for words. It was a simple class presentation, i'm not really sure what, but i remembered feeling good about presenting, about explaining what i knew to people who were listening. And i actually was able to muster and honest smile, compared to my usual panic frown. Gradually after that i learned to project my voice, which so often had been the topic of my scolding in the past.

Though by the third year i was already confident enough to present class presentations and mingle with strangers that i just met, i still suffered from a major communication flaw : eye contact. Even now as a final year final sem student i tend to avoid this as much as possible, reserving it only for critical situations.

But to think that someone as shy as i was could develop into someone who is able to speak her mind, i can't help but be impressed. Not with myself, because that would seem totally narcissistic... but with the human ability to learn and adapt without you even realizing that it is actually happening. Suddenly realizing that you are no longer the little girl that was so scared to even talk to a person, but now a young woman, curious and ready to face the challenges of the world is really such a refreshing eye opener.

I think the biggest shift that must occur is the thought that no matter how hard or how impossible it seems to you in the present, you will always persevere to look back at it in the future and say with humor.. " oh yeah.. that was me..  a loong time ago.."

Eminem & Skylar Grey

Currently my playlist has been playing just one song.

I need a Dr. - Eminem feat Dr. Dre. 

I'm usually not into such.. erm strong language ^^v, but personally i fell in love with this song the moment i heard it. Which incidentally was in a JPA gathering where i had no choice but to stuff earphones into my ears lest i fall asleep.

Not only is Skylar Grey's voice perfect for this tract it also has a haunting effect to it too. Which is why it has officially become my ringtone. (It has an eery  feeling to it when it rings at night though ^^v) And Eminem's rap is just awesome. I mean i thought that his rap for "Love the way you lie" was great, but this one was even more perfect. The song feels a lot deeper and probably meant something important to him.

Looking back to when i used to have a crush on the slim shady in the "i'm slim shady" video. I have a lot more respect for the grown slightly tortured Eminem now. He totally deserved that Grammy ^^ If not for anything else, his performance was amazing!

Japans Earthquake

I was initially going to write about how may analysis was cancelled today and how bummed i was about it until i read the news today. Lets pray the people of Japan and neighboring countries will be safe. This was the live telecast that made my hair stand on end.

Junsu is also in Japan. Reports say he is safe and well. I can only hope for the best for everyone else..

Over Protective Instincts

Ever been overprotective of a really good friend?

Sometimes to the extent of not liking the thought of them being with anyone else because other people just might not seem good enough for them. At least in your over protective mind they aren't. If the answer is "no" then i'm pretty sure the "LIAR" bell is blaring at the back of your mind. I'm actually willing to bet on it. Though it seems like a grossly inappropriate feeling to have as a "good friend" i guess a lot of people will right it off as "thinking what's best".

So all it really comes down to is jealousy rearing its ugly head. And though you may think it makes you less of a good friend it is actually perfectly...... human. It happens to the best of us believe me. Jealousy at relationships, jealousy of attention and the works. What defines a good friend i guess is how you act on it. You can totally become the fire stone convincing yourself that your actions are justified to deliver "whats best" for your dear beloved friend or step back to review your thoughts. Maybe... you really should let them figure it out by themselves or maybe... your friend actually has it all under control despite that uncontrolled fear you have that they will get hurt or that other people are constantly plotting evil against them. And maybe its also mixed in with your own fear of you losing a confidant and the top spot on their priority list. I think its everyones worst nightmare. It's definitely one of mine however selfish and unbecoming that may sound.

So i guess it is inevitable. How do you know that when your friend does come to you for advice that it isn't tainted with jealousy geared towards your own benefits. I'd like to say that i've tried to be subjective whenever this situation arises, (which is quite often by the way) but who can say for sure right? Nevertheless, like my sis always says, relationships evolve when they need to if its strong enough to withhold the challenges of life. So i guess being human we'll all go through this over protective instincts at some stage and hope that whatever happens you always had good intentions at heart ^^

Of Milk, Tests, and Music surfing

Yesterday was my first field trip ever in the 4 years of becoming a food tech student. ( i think..) Dairy is fast becoming my favorite subject of all time! ^^ I did wish that we could've visited more of the factory, but i guess thats a tall order for 30+ students who came at short notice. Fonterra was very gracious though to walk us through most parts of their factory. And then it hit me: it must be pretty awesome to be a in company where the whole nation practically consumes your goods. I mean if that isn't pride i don't know what is.

The trip ended at slightly after 5. All would have been well until i realized that my English test was that day and that i was probably missing out on the whole thing! In a surge of panic i messaged my sir practically pleading my case, and though i'm a total sucker for motion sickness there i was reviewing my notes in that rickety bus. I swear i fought the urge to hurl about 5 times. The moment we made it back Zafu rushed me to the class only to find that they had rescheduled on wednesday. -_-v save me the heart attack why don't you. On a brighter note, the Dairy test earlier that morning was a welcomed change from the mind boggling questions i've becomed so accustomed to this final year.

I recently did some extensive music search on the web as a result of the sudden realization that my playlist was becoming painfully repetitious. And because Billboard really had nothing to offer (seriously what do they come up with these days -_-) i had to turn to youtube for guidance. The results is still scarce. To be fair i was surfing while doing notes so.... you get what i mean. So far :

1. G.na - Black and White
2. Se7en - Like them Girls
3. T-ara - Why are you being like this
4. Infinity - Before the Dawn (BTD)

Now personally i kinda loved the BTD music video. Click here to watch ^^ Kind of erm.. different from your normal kpop i guess. The sound is also kinda funky. Wellpz, i must be going, a shower sounds really nice.

Winds of Change

There has much been going as of late.

Especially in the Shah's Familial Institution. My baby, (referring the feline) was admitted for 5 days at the animal hospital in KL due to a sudden occurence of batu karang. I will not even mention the bill they sent home because it was just..... 0_o. I suspect that one of my other cats that passed away recently also suffered from the same problem. His death being labelled as various misplaced accusations until his older brother (now healing from batu karang) finally brought the possibility to light. My family has undoubtedly become suspicious of all types of cat food be it friskies, whiskas or smartheart, and are feeding the cats fish, rice with the occasional infusion of blended vegetables. The alternative of science diet may sound promising. But when you have 8 mouths with a monstrous appetite to feed, you will soon find that rearing little fur balls is no simple business. -_-v

Next in line at the Shah's Familial Institution would be that of the family itself. We are now taking on the simple baby steps of compromise and trust. Some more than others i must say. But i do feel it is a positive turnabout even though sometimes it leaves me feeling a bit er... i don't know the word to explain it. Ngilu? I guess i'm not one for the touchy feely stuff ^_^v But all seems calm. I should be thankful at least for that ^^

And the line up of marriages and deliveries just keep coming. How merry and bountiful everything seems ^_^ Almost makes me forget about the more stagnant than not FYP on my shoulders. But i will pull through. Even if i end up scratched and bleeding getting there. Hwaiting!!

Hyunbin FTW! ^^

I just finished my Secret Garden Marathon last night!

I must say it's now probably on my top 5 favorite dramas if not at the top XD. Hyunbin is totally aweome in here. That acentric, rich, clueless namjah with the pure heart lol! Mianh, still haven't recovered from post drama crush ^^v. But then again i've always loved hyunbin so i guess that doesn't count. Anyways it totally made me want to get married afterwards XDDD. That's some serious case of side effects i would say.. heheh

The OST is also pretty impressive. My favorite is obviously 'That Man' sung by my one and only. Topping the charts this week by the way ^^ If the man doesn't win any awards for his outstanding skills then there's probably something really wrong with the system. >_<

Looking Better

Today i finally fixed out the annoying kink in my schedule. To think i was already considering to drop my dairy elective just so i could register for that god forsaken class. I seriously do not see the point. It would have been more logical for them to make it mandatory for me to take a foreign language. But i digress. In the end i was still able to keep my elective. Dairy totally rawks!

I must admit the smell is still something to get used to. But the little calves are sooooo adorable and they have such big eyes! It really has been awhile since i've been in touch with nature i think ^^v I'm totally bringing my camera next week. UPM's ranch is just really beautiful. All the green and those white fences just makes everything so photogenic. Makes me dream of having one of my own. But then thats some hard labor we're talkin bout.

Anywho after the initial relief of finally getting my schedule together it rained really hard as i waited at the bus stop for nearly an hour. (K6's bus is just hopeless) I would have though i'd be in a faul mood. But then the rain cleared and i looked up at the sky. And it was really just beautiful. For some reason everything just felt like it was alright. No worries about my FYP, no worries about the elusive spectrofluorometer, family, assignments nothing. Because how could you worry when the sky is so bright? When there are so many other good things to think about.

And so i thought, I'm going to try to do better with myself. Not be so bogged down. To let things take their natural turn. Because there's always that bigger plan. I hope this optimism will stay with me longer. Though i'm pretty sure the sress will catch up to me sooner or later. But just for now.

It's really good to be alive ^^

Inspiraton

" In a day when you don't come across any problems, you can be sure that you are travelling a wrong path "