V.i.v.a

It's actually pretty much over.

I didn't feel it this morning as i was fussing over being the first person on the list for Viva.

I didn't feel it when they called me in and asked "So what do you want to tell us?"

I didn't feel it as they questioned me on what had changed in me since entering UPM.

I didn't even feel a thing as they smiled and said " i guess that's all we have time for."

The moment it did hit me was when i saw the next person come out of the viva room, and when i saw her face, flushed as she began retelling the events in the room just as i had before her. Its funny how we gauge experiences through other people sometimes. Thinking that oh she survived that before thinking wait i survived that too.

Viva. 4 grueling years wrapped up in one small chit chat session with lecturers whom often gave us palpitation in class. I had often imagined this day to be monumental where we would burst out those doors screaming in freedom. But it seems, everything was calm, quiet and our goodbyes were said with gentle smiles and advice from the educators whom we thought wanted to strangle the life out of us. 

I guess closure makes you forgive and forget. All the complaints, the whining, the torture, the lack of sleep, the lack of food, the lack of sanity and i was still thinking,  when will i ever see these faces again.

In the end what i really wanted to say was 

"thank you, for the knowledge you've given me, for the person you build me to be and for the person i will strive to become.."