Oh would you look at that..

Yellow..

Well, i can safely say its been close to a year that I've left off even trying to update this blog. I think my last entry can explain why I've just been focusing on a whole lot of other things lately.

But, I'm in the middle of writing the draft for my thesis and this just happens to be my 30 minute break to overcome that writers wall that so often happens when you're neck deep in something pretty dry ne..

Alhamdulillah I recently submitted my notice of submission, which means whether I want to or not, a final draft on my thesis has to be handed in by august to my supervisor. I've always worked best under pressure. So pressure it is ^_^v How long has it been? 4 years? I could be a pHd holder with that much time under my belt. Hahah. But jokes aside, 4 years filled with so many things, so many lessons. To say I wouldn't have it any other way might be a bit much, but to say I regretted taking this long would be a lie as well. Pray for me that this is truly the last chapter in my masters saga.

Oh and my brother is married. Last January, to a high school friend. The other one is back from France and is currently trying out his hand in the F&B business. My dad is doing alright. Still has his stubborn bouts of not taking his medication sometimes. But all in all family is stable.

A lot goes through my mind while i'm nearing the end of my studies. Like what i want to do with my life. What I actually want out of it. I feel being 27 going on 28 and just barely stepping out in search of a career is a daunting and to a certain extent embarrassing thing. To make matters worse, I'm unable to drive, ( well unable is stretching it. I haven't driven after obtaining my license), so I'm not very social or have particularly my own freedom in a lot of things. Granted living away from home does give me some personal freedom, but my group of 'people' is certainly very small with my family and namjah making up the bulk of it.

Ask me where I see myself in 10 years? Even 5? I cant say. The parents obviously wanting me to have a secure job in the government. Pencen. Pencen is key. But is it my key? Will that make me happy in life? Am i happy now? It's amazing that when you actually get to that basic question, the answer is not always at the tip of your tongue. I don't know if i'm happy. But i know what makes me happy, and i guess if i focus on those things maybe life will get a little simpler to puzzle out.

Sometimes things come at you in a knotted ball and you have to sit yourself down a pick through things one strand at a time because you cant possibly make anything out of knotted ball right? Time consuming? Yes, very. I think i've always been good at multitasking, but when it comes to big events concerning my future, then a lot of thought and consideration needs to be focused on the task at hand. The hardest part is being absolutely unrelentingly honest to yourself. Honest on how much effort you put in something. How much you want something. How much you need something, all the way down to how good of a person am i, religiously as well as just another human being.

Haha, sooooooo yeah, half an our of pouring I don't know what into this sad little blog of mind, just to unwind my thoughts. It helps though. I'm a bit calmer than when i started. Welpz, hopefully by the next time I update, i've figured a few things out in my life and maybe there will be a job prospect in the air. InsyaAllah!